When you’re a bartender, you notice things. Good service requires paying attention to people. But bars can be loud, busy places and communication can suffer. To help ensure your visit is as pleasant as possible, here are some things this bartender would like you to know.
• Paying for a $6 beer with a $100 bill doesn't make you look like a high roller. It makes you look like someone who needs change.
• Please don't be mad at the bartender because there are no food specials during happy hour. We like cheap snacks as much as you do, but we don’t control the kitchen.
• If you’re retracing your steps trying to find a lost card, start with the bar(s) you visited. You probably left it at the place where you had three old fashioneds rather than the supermarket.
• Leaving your napkin torn into a bunch of tiny pieces on the bar is a wonderful contemporary art statement ... that someone else has to clean up.
• Yelling at the host won't get you seated faster.
• Yelling at the server won't make your food arrive sooner.
• If your friend is perilously drunk, take them home. Don't say, “They’ll be fine” and order another round for yourself.
• We know we're sweating. You don't have to point it out. If the temperature was set for our comfort, you'd have to wear a parka.
• There are many times when it's fine to engage your bartender in a detailed discussion of various beers’ flavor profiles. When there are 30 other people waiting for drinks, it’s not the time.
• Yes, we're happy it's your birthday. No, that doesn't mean you automatically get a free drink.
• If you happen to be seated directly in front of your bartender, please keep your belongings out of their work area. They need space to work as much as you need your new hat to not be covered in cranberry juice.
• There are several receptacles in the average bar restroom, but a distressing number of people choose the walls/floor when being sick. Don't be one of those people.
• You don’t always have to split a two-drink check. Sometimes it’s nice to buy your friend a round.
• If you prefer an oaky Chardonnay, we're sorry if we only have un-oaked. And vice-versa. Sometimes there's only so much room in the cooler.
• “Gin or vodka” is a perfectly acceptable answer to the question “What kinds of martinis do you have?”
