Time for our look around local Patch.com police blotters, seeking the ugliest moments from suburban life.

In Collier, this particular item sounds like someone was either working on an art project or stocking a frat house:

A white male in his late 30s wearing a blue shirt and blue hat tried to steal a cart full of steaks and razor blades from the Giant Eagle on Aug. 30, Collier police said.

In Dormont, a suspicious package was found to contain a stick of Old Spice, but I say, does that really guarantee that it's not explosive?

In Brookline, a series of thefts from cars seemed relatively innocuous — a fishing pole from one unlocked car, a wallet from another — until the last couple entries:

A victim told police that someone forced open a box and stole chain saws from a vehicle parked in the 2800 block of Kenilworth Street in Brookline.

A door and a catalytic converter were stolen from a vehicle parked in the 1600 block of Saw Mill Run Boulevard in Brookline between 4:30 p.m. on Aug. 25 and 10 a.m. on Aug. 26.

Lock your chainsaws up well, and always remove your catalytic converter and bring it with you if you're going to be away from your car.

And in Plum, a vandalism report that doubles as a tasty breakfast:

An Elicker Road resident reported criminal mischief to a vehicle and residence on Aug. 31. According to the police report, the residence was egged and a firework was lit on the porch. The vehicle also was vandalized with bologna.

That's JUMBO to you, Patch.