I'm a longtime reader who thought I'd never have a reason to write since I'm universally known as the "good girl." But I have a close male friend. Even though I knew he was dating someone else, we became friends-with-benefits several years ago. Because of his relationship (he lives with her!), I let him take the lead in setting up our rendezvous. Sometimes it felt like a booty call; other times, it felt like it was leading to something more. He once admitted that if things were different, he could see us together. But a while ago I discovered that while he was unfaithful to her, he had also been unfaithful to me.
On to the point of this letter: He recently proposed to his girlfriend. I feel like he did it out of desperation. All I know is that there were ultimatums involved. Here is my dilemma: I don't want to out myself, I don't want to hurt him, and I don't want to ruin our friendship, but I feel like she has to know what her fiancé is like before they get married. I don't see his cheating stopping just because they've exchanged vows. Should I anonymously contact her and let her know that her man is a cheating man-whore?
One Of Many Other Women
Gee ... it must have come as a real shock when you realized that a man who was capable of cheating on his live-in girlfriend was also capable of cheating on the girl with whom he was cheating. No one could've predicted, huh?
On to your question: I hate to think of some poor woman marrying a cheating piece of shit (CPOS). It's possible that the CPOS's fiancée already knows; perhaps one of those ultimatums touched on cheating. But odds are better that this woman doesn't know, and someone ought to clue her in before the wedding. But should that person be you?
I'm not comfortable with your motives, OOMOW. You may be known throughout the universe as a "good girl," but your actions prove that you're something of a "bad girl." And there's more: Your desire to destroy this relationship proves you're something of a "vindictive girl"; your attempt to pass your vindictiveness off as concern for a woman you've wronged proves you're a "self-deluding girl"; and your desire to accomplish this without paying any price -- you don't want to out yourself or risk ruining your "friendship" with the man-whore -- proves you're a "selfish girl" and a "cowardly girl."
Back to your motives: The reason you want to do this anonymously is because your top concern is having the CPOS all to yourself, and that means sticking a knife in his current relationship without leaving fingerprints. So it's a useful thing that you weren't the only "other woman" in his life. Because he'll never know which one of his other women ratted him out.
Setting your highly suspect motives aside ...
If I were in the fiancée's shoes, I would want to know what was going on before the wedding. So I do think you should tell her. But if you have any shred of decency, you will tell her personally, apologize profusely and provide her with some proof. An anonymous tip won't cut it: A CPOS who has successfully hidden a collection of other women from his fiancée will be able to talk his way out of an anonymous accusation of infidelity. He'll either claim the e-mail was sent by a vindictive ex-girlfriend of his, which has the benefit of being very nearly true, or that an ex-boyfriend of hers is trying to destroy her happiness.
Finally, why do you want to be with the CPOS? He cheated on his fiancée, he cheated on you, and he probably cheated on the women with whom he was cheating on the both of you. He's a piece of shit, his fiancée is a fool, and you're a vindictive, self-deluding coward. I'm not sure whether you can all do better, but I do think you should all try.
I'm a hetero girl in my 20s. I love masturbating, but a lot of the time I get nothing from hetero porn. Usually it's because I can't stand the girls' annoying voices. So I rely on gay porn instead. I tend to go for what you gay guys call "twinks." (Who the hell is a twink, technically speaking? Please don't tell me it's anything statutory!) I'm just curious: Is this a common problem? I now get really intrigued when I meet gay guys in real life because I get off to so many gay men in porn. I would love to watch two twinks in reality at some point, but I'm not sure if any gay guys would ever be into that.
Twink Lover
Twinks are boyish gay men -- boyish men, not boyish boys -- in their late teens to mid-20s with slim-to-slightly-muscular bodies and relatively hairless chins, chests, crotches, etc. So long as you're getting your live-action porn from reputable porn sites and companies, you don't have anything to worry about on the statutory front.
As for watching a couple of twinks go at it, there are lots of bisexual twinks out there -- perhaps you could date one and have the odd three-way with others? There are also, without a doubt, some twink gay couples out there turned on by the idea of some straight girl watching them go at it. And thanks to the World Wide Interfluffer, finding them is easier than ever. And speaking of twinks ...
However much Playgirl paid Levi Johnston for that photo shoot, it wasn't enough. Most people thought Playgirl -- which ceased publishing in print a while ago -- was dead and gone forever. Prior to this photo shoot with Johnston, who even knew Playgirl had a Web site? Or a publicist? A publicist who had this to say after the shoot: "We were talking in the greenroom about gay categories -- bear, cubs -- and Levi asked what his type would be. We decided a twink, but older, so we anointed him a 'twunk.'"
I love the idea of a twunk -- an older twink -- but Levi Johnston is 19 years old. How old is a twink supposed to be if a 19-year-old is already an aged twunk? No, no: Johnston was never a twink. He is a high-school jock -- the hockey variety, to the delight of gear fetishists everywhere -- gone slightly to seed. But what's more interesting than sorting Johnston into his exact gay etymological category is watching Johnston, once a major homophobe, become increasingly comfortable with the gays. Celebrity -- and that's what he is now -- means having to hang out and work with (and for) a certain number of out homos. One of those homos no doubt explained to Johnston that not many women would be masturbating to his pictures on Playgirl's Web site. It seems that homophobia is a luxury that Levi can't afford anymore.
And, psst, Levi? If you did that Playgirl shoot only to drive your former future mother-in-law crazy -- and if that was your plan, it seemed to work -- imagine how much crazier she'll get if you do a little gay-for-pay porn. Just sayin'.
Find the Savage Lovecast (my weekly podcast) every Tuesday at thestranger.com/savage.
