SHADOWBOXER

It's rare that a film is bad all the way through ... from the dated artiness of its opening, and primal, scene, right through to its inexplicable conclusion (also a primal scene!). But Lee Daniels' turgid, vaguely noir-ish melodrama about a pair of hitmen ... Helen Mirren and Cuba Gooding Jr., both utterly unconvincing ... delivers. It's a primer in clichéd banality: Who knew we could be so bored by taboo sex and graphic violence? This is a dime-store morality play ... are there really so many assassins who long to go straight? ... gussied up with a few Tarantino-esque effects that a decade later are just embarrassing to watch. Truly so dreadful, I couldn't look away ... not from the weird cast that also included Mo'nique, Steven Dorff, Macy Gray and Joseph Gordon-Levitt; the insanely stupid yet predictable plot; and a couple sex scenes that put me off my dinner. AMC Waterfront (AH)