Is it really almost baseball season already? Like, we just all suddenly decided that the whole Kenny Pickett thing never happened and moved on and now it’s spring, and the never-ending “brown season” that we do instead of winter is over … and we made it, finally?
Before we know it, it’ll be Opening Day — a moment in time when even the Buccos have hope and aren’t 18 games below .500, and the world seems as crisp and new as a freshly-cut outfield. We can even dare to dream.
For instance, I can’t stop thinking about how nice City Paper News Editor Colin Williams’ proposal for The Black Line would be, taking the T transit line northeast through the Strip and Lawrenceville. Sure, someone would inevitably bring the whole thing to a screeching halt by claiming that the T obstructs their view and impedes access to a historic parking space — because what’s building for the common good against the whims of a cranky Yinzer with time on their hands?
And, just like that, that spring feeling is gone. Well, I enjoyed it while it lasted. Get out there and get a piece of it before it’s too late, Pittsburgh.
SOUTH
For sale: 145 Merrimac St., Mt. Washington, $245,000
I’m not sure I can adequately explain why I love this house. Maybe it’s because it looks like Bob from Bob’s Burgers (if he was a house). The awning is the mustache, see? Maybe it’s because it was built in 1910 and pretty much everything built around then in Pittsburgh was essentially made to last forever. Maybe it’s the yellow brick, not stained by a hundred-plus years of industrial pollution (as is often the case). Maybe it’s some ancient remnant of my brain telling me to take the high ground just in case, and it’s hard to get higher than Mt. Washington.
What’s the greatest urban vista in America worth? Well, perhaps $1,460 a month, which isn’t that much (though there are clearly more expensive places nearby). And if you take the glass elevator to the top, the best views are at Monterrey Bay Fish Grotto, the long-lived seafood place beloved by Pittsburghers with expense accounts or special occasions to celebrate. If there’s a downside — well, everything seems like a downside when you have to go down from the mountain to do anything. However, the Duquesne Incline can help with this, and seems to be closed for repairs a lot less than the Monongahela Incline.
BEECHVIEW
For sale: 1508 Orangewood Ave., Beechview, $200,000
The cost of living is steep everywhere, but in Beechview, everything is kind of steep, so housing prices don’t seem that bad, actually. The steepest residential street in the world is here, Canton Avenue (okay, contested by a street in New Zealand), which gets attention every year during the annual Dirty Dozen bike race up the dozen nastiest hills in town. Here’s a house that revels in Beechview’s rugged topography, with a Hobbit-like stone entrance below a winding staircase leading to the “ground” level. It’s a curious solution to a street that just won’t stay flat and adds further space to a home with plenty of it already.
For rent: 2705 Broadway Ave., Beechview, $860-1,199/month
It’s odd how desirable neighborhoods like Lawrenceville and the Strip will never have transit as good as Beechview, because the T’s light rail system cuts right through a mountain to Downtown and goes as far out as South Hills Village. Like, it’s sort of a miracle this ever got built — and who wants to imagine the hellish alternate-universe where it doesn’t exist, and all those extra autos must battle to pass through the tunnels during rush hour (shudder). Though driving inside Beechview can be a little unnerving the first time you see a train behind you in the mirror. This apartment helpfully comes with a name emblazoned on the front, “Ruth,” which sounds like the waitress at your favorite diner who never lets your coffee cup go empty.
EAST END
For sale: 506 Hazelwood Ave., Hazelwood, $265,000
This nice-looking brick 1930s three-bedroom home is in good shape; others like it are going for $100,000 more a few blocks up the hill. It’s also got hardwood floors and zero cigarette-scented ‘70s carpet to remove. So, what’s the catch? Oh, it’s on Hazelwood Avenue, the Downhill Pothole Slalom to Hell. This road feels like it hasn’t been surfaced since the Kennedy administration, and Pittsburghers love to treat it like one of Kennywood’s lesser coasters.
For rent: Velma Court, 772 Greenfield Ave., Greenfield, $740-$1,050
Velma was the smart, nerdy Scooby Doo character with glasses and an oversize sweater … and apparently, this is Velma’s Court. Like her, this Greenfield apartment complex’s charms are subtle, more substance than style. (I’m not going to take this comparison any further, I promise). It’s got low rent, good schools, and a friendly neighborhood in walking distance of great parks, a grocery store, and even a parking lot that could handle a Mystery Machine or two (sorry I lied).
