Buying a home is a really strange thing to do if you think about it. Yes, the advantages are obvious, like not being at the mercy of a landlord, in particular. But you have to think in 30-year increments — the usual length of a mortgage — and that’s hard to do.
When I was just out of school, my criteria for housing was something like — “Can I walk to a bar/venue where the bands that I like perform?” and, “Is this near where my friends work (so I can get free coffee)?” Now, several decades later, it’s more like — “Is this a place where my neighbors will throw their trash in the street? Because I hate that.”
We’re like two different people. How could me-in-my-20s ever be trusted to make a decision that lasts 30 years — that me-in-my-40s has to live with?
Still, I suppose there are worse dilemmas. Back in the old country, when my ancestors considered where to live, they were probably concerned with things like, “Is there at least one defensible river between us and the Russians and/or the Germans?” Because every 20-30 years or so you were getting invaded, and no, they don’t really need a reason (Bayern Munich tickets too pricey? Invasion time). Hope your dream home has a moat or something.
30 years from now, when the Third Trumpsylvania/Ohioan Axis threatens on the horizon, I can peer down from my own impregnable hilltop bunker, pretending that I saw it all coming way back in my 20s.
HILL DISTRICT
For sale: 1618 Webster Ave., $324,900
My heart says, “You want a front porch, from which you can observe (at a remove) the grand drama of your neighborhood, like some lesser August Wilson acolyte.” My head says, “You actually want a garage, where you can stick your car and other crap.” This place says: “Why not both?” The brick/siding divide down the middle of the second story is a little jarring, but otherwise this is an attractive, newish (1996) three-bedroom home with some neo-traditional elements and a pretty easy walk to work and cultural amenities Downtown.
For sale: 248 Dilworth St., $219,000
This particular color — sort of like key lime green, but sadder — has virtually disappeared from the palette of homes since the ‘70s, at least in the industrial East (the West Coast has its own peppier version). My grandma’s living room was this color, and I love it for that reason. Of course, somebody dropped the beige-bomb on the interior of this place, but that’s on-trend, and the wood floors and bright, relatively spacious kitchen mitigate that somewhat. The only way you’re getting a place for $220,000 on the coasts is if it’s actively on fire, but here, you get a small house (1,336 square feet) that’s built to last and pretty comfortable for a family of two or three.
A one-bedroom apartment just steps from the greatest urban vista in America, the aptly-named Grandview Avenue — for less than $1,000 a month. Sure, most of the restaurants are for tourists and you’ll drive more than you planned because most of the stuff you need is down one side of the mountain or another. But Mt. Washington is a nice, stable neighborhood with a track record of incremental improvement over the past two decades, instead of dramatic upheaval. Just make sure your tires are newish and grippy before next winter starts. The Monongahela Incline is a little overrated as a tourist attraction but underrated as a functional funicular for daily commuting.
