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Savage Love

The "right not to know" always has to be weighed against "likelihood of finding out."

I'm a bi woman in a great relationship with my straight boyfriend. We occasionally invite other women into our sex life, which is really enjoyable for both of us. We've hooked up with both friends and strangers, but always as a couple because it makes us both feel safe. Enter the problem: I was visiting some friends of ours I used to live with. After going out for drinks, we were playing an alcohol-fueled card game that turned into an alcohol-fueled strip card game. One friend soon had her lovely breasts out, and she made a few comments that were inviting and turned me on a little. I touched her boobs and sucked on her nipples, but that's as far as things went. Her boyfriend witnessed this but wasn't involved. It was a fun, playful moment, and soon after, I went to bed — alone. It wasn't anything my boyfriend would've objected to had he been there.

Should I tell him about it, or is this a case where he has the right not to know? I'm not interested in pursuing anything further with this friend, and I'm not sure what talking about it would accomplish, other than being honest at the expense of my boyfriend's feelings, and probably making me feel bad for something that, although it seemed innocent, I shouldn't have done.

Non-Intentional Playful Partying Lady Experiences Situation

This experience would seem to fall in the "right not to know" column, NIPPLES, but "right not to know" always has to be weighed against "likelihood of finding out."

You indicate that this couple aren't just friends of yours, but friends of "ours." If either of them makes a reference to this game of strip cribbage — or strip Uno or strip poker — the next time the four of you hang out, the boyfriend could be blindsided. And it's not clear whether there were other witnesses. If there were, and if you socialize with them, the chances that your boyfriend will find out increase exponentially.

You'll have to ask yourself whether finding out about the incident at a party or via a snarky Facebook post would leave your boyfriend twice as upset — because then we're talking about a crime and a cover-up, and learning about the incident in a manner that leaves him feeling humiliated.

My boyfriend of nearly a year and I live together and are planning to move across the country in about a month. We have never fought and get along swimmingly. We have amazing sex, see eye-to-eye on almost everything, and are planning a future together. The only thing is, we have never said, "I love you," to each other. Is this normal? I know we love each other, but being in a serious relationship of almost a year and not saying those words? Could it be that he doesn't love me?

Hopefully Not Unlovable

Even if your boyfriend had said "I love you" 100,000 times, it would still be possible that he didn't love you. People have been known to lie about this shit. But I don't think a guy would move across the country or plan a future with a woman for whom he felt nothing. Either he loves you but hasn't found the right moment to say so, or he's sensible enough to realize that you can't be certain that you're in love with someone until after you've had at least one fight.

That said, if you're ready to say it to him, go ahead. Just don't have a meltdown if he's not ready — yet — to say it to you.

Say you've always wanted to peg a guy, but your otherwise GGG hot husband isn't into receiving anal — for good reason (he's had health problems back there). But he jokingly suggests he would be fine with you pegging his equally hot gay little brother. Should you ask his gay brother if you can peg him?

Wanting It For Evah


How stupid would it be to sleep with my boss' 18-year-old son? My boss has become a mentor. He and his wife have welcomed me into their home, which includes their aforementioned son, a high school senior. I am a 23-year-old woman. Normally, I wouldn't sleep with anyone younger than 20. But besides being very attractive, my boss' son is funny, kind and sweet. He also has some unexplored kinks that most girls his age have no interest in. I want to spend the next few months fucking my boss' son — honoring your campsite rule. Here are the problems I see: (1) Fucking around with your boss' kid seems a surefire way to wreck your relationship with your boss. (2) He is still in high school.

Sex Or Not

1. Fucking your boss' kid seems like a surefire way to get your ass fired, and it could derail your career. If you get caught. But you wouldn't be the first person to risk everything for sex. As Mark Twain observed: "The human being ... places sexual intercourse far and away above all other joys — yet he has left it out of his heaven! The very thought of it excites him; opportunity sets him wild; in this state, he will risk life, reputation, everything — even his queer heaven itself — to make good that opportunity and ride it to the overwhelming climax."

2. He is an adult — who is still in high school. You are not that far out of high school. According to my calculations, you're not that far apart in age. You might be sabotaging your career, but you wouldn't be robbing the cradle.

3. The campsite rule for new readers: The older and/or more experienced person in a sexual relationship with a large age and/or experience gap is obligated to leave the younger and/or less experienced partner in better shape than when they found him or her. That means no sexually transmitted infections, no fertilized eggs, no unnecessary drama and no unnecessary trauma.

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