As one does, I watched Charles Dickens’ A Christmas Carol this past holiday. I’ve watched it annually since I was a kid, but there was one part that particularly struck me this year. I noticed how excited the Cratchit kids were to receive an orange as a gift.
An orange. A single piece of fruit. Tiny Tim held it with tears in his eyes, barely able to say the word “orange” because the reality of this treat was so unimaginable.
Now let’s play a game. Imagine a kid in 2019 getting an orange as a Christmas present. Can you see it? Do you see them crying, calling their parents “abusive,” and then chucking the orange at their parent’s head? Cool, that’s what I see too.
Which leads me to my current existential crisis.
When did we stop valuing an orange? Why do we place value on stockings full of sugary candy or snacks that provide no nutritional value? Why do we believe that stuff makes us happier? Gift boxes full of DVDS, books, albums, toys, whatever!
I’m just worried that we are all, as a nation, trying our hardest to “keep up with the Joneses” and frankly, I think the Jones family is wack.
I don’t want be a Jones! I don’t want credit card debt and a house full of stuff that literally has NO meaning or value. I want to value an orange, dammit!
An orange is awesome. One orange provides 130 percent of your vitamin C needs for the day. Oranges can help to fight skin damage caused by the sun and pollution, reduce wrinkles, and improve overall skin texture. They also help with heart health, cancer, diabetes, and help prevent strokes.
Another fun fact: Toys, video games, jewelry, and technology all depreciate in value immediately after purchase. So how do you like them apples?
Speaking of apples, I’m just suggesting that instead of buying yourself or someone you love the most recent Apple phone, buy them an actual apple instead. Better yet, buy them a watermelon. It both hydrates you and can be used as a comedic prop when smashed with a sledgehammer. Orange ya glad I didn’t say “banana?”
My point, dear readers, is that in the same way Mr. Justin Timberlake brought the “sexy back,” I would like to bring the orange back. Orange ya glad I didn’t say, “Orange is the new back!”?
Here’s the deal: If you promise to start giving oranges as gifts, I’ll stop making orange puns.