Tossing a Cow off A Bridge Thats Wearing A Bungee Cord and Other Dirty Thoughts | Literary Arts | Pittsburgh | Pittsburgh City Paper

Tossing a Cow off A Bridge Thats Wearing A Bungee Cord and Other Dirty Thoughts

A poem by Jimmy Cvetic

I don't know why
that I think the things I think about
like why I have this strong desire to place a cow in a
bungee cord and toss a cow off a bridge.
Don't know why I think this
but I would just like to see the expression on the cow's face
as it bounces up and down.
I know this is not a poem
and I know that there's more important things
than tossing a cow off a bridge
just to see the look on the cow's face.
I know this would be considered cruelty to animals
and if caught I would have to explain to a judge
why I would toss a cow off a bridge.
I also know that on my last great day
I would have to explain why?
I also think that I'd be standing in front
of the great God of the universe and there
would be a possibility that my confession would be
made to a cow.
I also am sad that people shoot each other
and go to court and
their reasoning makes as much sense as
why I'd toss a cow off a bridge.
In fact, shooting someone doesn't make
much sense at all
but it seems to happen all the time
and the reasoning really is for no reason at all.
I guess it's the same as why I think these strange thoughts
and I surely wish that I sometimes didn't think this way
and that I didn't have to wear aluminum foil on my head.
But that's another poem altogether
and that makes as much sense as why men sneak
down in their game rooms and watch kiddy-porn.
I pray to all the Gods
and Saints in heaven to cure me from my madness
and to help me from having dirty thoughts about a nun
that I'm pretty sure taught me in the third grade
and please don't ask me how I knew the nun
didn't wear underpants.
To tell you the truth I'd rather just think of cows.

--Jimmy Cvetic

Jimmy Cvetic is the author of The Secret Society of Dog (Lascaux Editions, 2010) andDog Unleashed (Lascaux Editions, 2012). He worked as an Allegheny County police officer in Pittsburgh for over 30 years, working as a uniformed police officer, an undercover narcotics officer and a homicide detective. He co-curates the Hemingway's Summer Reading Series and appeared in the movie Warrior. Many writers featured in Chapter & Verse are guests of Prosody, produced by Jan Beatty and Ellen Wadey. Prosody airs every Saturday morning on 90.5 FM.

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