Talkin' Snack: Lunchables Brunchables is exactly what it sounds like | Food | Pittsburgh | Pittsburgh City Paper
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Talkin' Snack: Lunchables Brunchables is exactly what it sounds like 

click to enlarge CP PHOTO: HANNAH LYNN
  • CP Photo: Hannah Lynn
In April, Lunchables introduced a new breakfast-friendly version of its compartmentalized meals called Brunchables. (As you might guess, most of the appeal of Brunchables is pun-based.) I only found out about it, however, when editorial designer Abbie Adams saw an ad for Brunchables in respected food magazine Bon Appétit.

click image brunchedsquare.jpg
Like most people who were kids in the early 2000s, I harbor a false nostalgia for Lunchables based on the fact that as a kid, they were a treat I was rarely allowed to have and therefore always wanted. When I did have them, however, they were never very good. Remember the Lunchables pizza that was just putting cold tomato sauce and cold cheese on a soft cracker? Or the cold mini hot dogs? Even the cheese and crackers were just a worse version of the cheese and crackers I ate at home, but they came in a fun package and were accompanied by a Capri Sun.

Lunchables Brunchables comes in three varieties: breakfast ham and cheese, breakfast sausage and cheese, and bacon and cheese. The only change is the meat, and all three come with flatbread for making the sandwich and a mini blueberry muffin. Due to limited availability, I only tried the breakfast ham and cheese, though I feel confident they taste equivalent (also cold bacon sounds bad).

click to enlarge Inside a Brunchables - CP PHOTO: HANNAH LYNN
  • CP Photo: Hannah Lynn
  • Inside a Brunchables
If we’re being honest, my immediate reaction eating a Lunchable as an adult is depression over inefficient packaging and plastic waste, which is just how my brain works now! Anyway, the flat bread, which takes up the largest mass of the sandwich, is intensely dry, dense, and has the feel of one of those spongy bathmats. It tastes similar to an English muffin. The ham is as wet and shiny and the cheese as sweaty as you’d expect. They make a fine combo, although don’t seem different than the meat and cheese from a regular Lunchable, just with a worse bread/cracker vehicle.

click to enlarge A dry, dry flatbread - CP PHOTO: HANNAH LYNN
  • CP Photo: Hannah Lynn
  • A dry, dry flatbread
After eating two-and-a-half Lunchables Brunchables breakfast sandwiches, my stomach didn’t feel great, but I continued to try the blueberry muffin. The muffin tastes just like one of those snack pack muffins from Entenmann’s or a similar brand: excessively moist, very processed, tastes vaguely like plastic.

click to enlarge A complete meal? - CP PHOTO: HANNAH LYNN
  • CP Photo: Hannah Lynn
  • A complete meal?
While Lunchables Brunchables tastes bad and is a waste of plastic, I did eat two-and-a-half breakfast sandwiches by choice (each package comes with two, I had two packages). It was for “research,” but I could’ve just eaten one. If the cracker/flatbread thing was better, it would be a solid Brunchable (maybe a mini bagel? Just spit-balling). I wouldn’t purchase it myself, but if someone handed to me, I would probably eat it.
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