Tinder, Love, and Comedy
by Chardaè Jones
If it’s that easy to go out and find a soulmate as if you were shopping for shoes, then something has gone terribly wrong in my opinion. I guess it’s the hopeless romantic in me, but when I’m seated across from a stranger that I’ve chatted with for all of two days and this said guy is planning our future, I hear major alarms.
It was all Cosmo magazine's fault for my downloading Tinder. I had just moved back from surviving New York, and I figured I'd dip my toe in the dating pool.
I’m attracted to people who are the opposite of me, and Ryan was just that. He had gorgeous green eyes, nice hair, and seemed a little together from his profile. Unfortunately, his profile forgot to include he had a kid, a suspended driver’s license for drinking and driving, and sold bootleg DVDs for a living. Unknowing those things beforehand, I decided to continue my dating roulette by meeting him at a bar in Oakland.
After meeting, we decided to walk around enjoying the unusual sunny weather. The fact that he was carrying a bottle of Peach Amsterdam vodka around in his backpack should’ve been a red flag, but I went with it to get to conversation. We ended walking around sipping spiked sweet tea that we made with reusable cups from CVS. We talked for two hours and he was a gentleman with lots of stories, but he also shared many nightmares.
Our second date was a burger spot near his house. He showed off said house, and it was disaster. It was reminder that I could do better and that sealed the deal for me. It also shocked me when I found out that it was his son’s birthday, and he was choosing to spend time with me instead. My spiked milkshake and turkey burger was the best part. Ryan, being delusional, didn’t believe in colorism or understand why young women were waiting to have kids instead of having kids young. “When you get older you can’t do whatever you want. You’ll be old.”
I don’t like to admit it, but I ghosted him. After this encounter, I called my friends laughing to the point of tears and quickly dragged the Tinder app into the garbage pail on my screen. This couldn’t be real life.
When you stop looking and you're just out here living your best life, love finds you. I slid in Evan's DMs because he posted a status about having a bad day. A month later, I sold my Thrival Tickets and went to a gallery crawl to meet him. It was way too rainy for a gallery crawl and he was an hour late, but it was the greatest time. Conversation was easy, even when he went on alien rant. Sometimes all it starts with is the click of a button to find your forever person.