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Is it normal for my man to be so attracted to boobs that even though mine are beautiful and perfect, my boyfriend still wants to look at every other woman with a set of big boobs that he can? Aren't mine enough?

Boyfriend Ogles Other Breasts

You sound like a new reader, BOOB, so I wanna welcome you to the Savage Love family. With that out of the way ...

Nope, yours aren't enough.

Yep, it's normal for a straight man to look at women's boobs — boobs on the woman he's with, boobs on women he's not with, boobs on women who don't technically exist and can't be gotten with, e.g., Veronica Lodge, Lara Croft, Nicki Minaj. And while your set may be perfect in every possible way — making you the Mary Poppins of boobs — your man is still gonna check out other women's sets.

But your man shouldn't be a dick about it. He can train himself to look without looking like he's looking; he can learn to check out other women without ogling them. It's not about hiding the fact that he's looking, it's about taking your feelings into consideration, to say nothing of the feelings of the women he's checking out.

And if he can look without being an inconsiderate dick about it, you should let him look without being an insecure bitch about it. If he's considerate enough to be discreet, you can be considerate enough to turn a blind eye.

I've been with my boyfriend since I was 15. I'm 20 now. In all the time we've been together, I've never had an orgasm. For a long time, I wanted to get a vibrator, but my boyfriend never wanted me to get one because he says he already feels like crap that he can't get me off. Recently, I thought, "What the hell — I want to see what happens!" So I bought one. The very first time I used it, I got off in two minutes. My question is, how do I tell him? Should I tell him? He always wanted to be the first person to give me an orgasm.

Couldn't Wait Forever

Tell your boyfriend you bought a vibrator. If he has a sad about your purchase — and your ability to climax (congrats!) — tell him that some women require the kind of intense, focused stimulation that only a vibrator can provide in order to get off. He can still be the first person to give you an orgasm: He can give you one with a vibrator in his hand. And if he acts like an insecure bitch about it, well ...

New vibrator, newly orgasmic — maybe it's time for a new boyfriend, too?

I am a woman who has been with my male partner for one year. We live together and get along well. The thing is, our sex has dwindled rapidly. I have a high sex drive and would prefer to be having sex more often. It really sucks being turned down all the time. When I bring it up, he gets mad and says I'm making him feel bad. I now ignore my sexual urges unless he initiates something. But I feel hurt when he tells me how much he masturbates. He masturbates when I'm at work and when I'm asleep. It seems he would rather masturbate than have sex with me. What's a gal to do?

Sadly Pensive And Neglected Kinkster

A gal is to DTMFA.

Couples counselors and sex-advice professionals have a term for people who rebuff their partner's sexual advances and then go out of their way to inform their partners that they're masturbating while their partners are at work, asleep beside them, etc. We call people like that assholes. 

Someone who wounds his partner through active neglect, salts those wounds by making it clear that he's jerking it in her absence, and then makes his partner feel like she's the bad guy isn't guilty of thoughtless cruelty. He's guilty of intentional cruelty. Your boyfriend has already trained you to "ignore [your] own sexual urges" — he's trained you not to make any demands on him at all. It doesn't sound like your boyfriend wants a girlfriend, SPANK, it sounds like he wants a Fleshlight that pays half the rent. DTMFA.

CONFIDENTIAL TO PEOPLE WHO WEAR T-SHIRTS: Aydian Dowling was one of the three LGBT youths featured in the It Gets Better special on MTV and LOGO earlier this year. Like many young trans men, Aydian needs "top surgery" — chest surgery that will bring his body into line with his gender identity — and this expensive surgery isn't covered by health-insurance plans.

Aydian has a job — he's a baker — but he doesn't have health insurance. Which means Aydian not only has to pay for his top surgery out of his own pocket, he also has to pay for the preliminary blood work and tests, and any postoperative care that he might need.

"A lot of trans people ask for donations on sites like to help cover the costs of their surgeries," says Aydian. "But raising the $6,000 that top surgery costs through donations alone is pretty hard. And I wanted to give something back."

So Aydian designed a line of T-shirts. His T-shirts — which are high quality, trans-themed and really fuckin' cool — cost Aydian $10 to produce, and he's selling them for $20. Between the money Aydian and his wife, Jenilee, were given as wedding gifts and the money he's raised selling his T-shirts, he is just $300 from his $6,000 goal.

Aydian originally planned to stop selling his T-shirts once he hit his goal. But the shirts have been such a hit, Aydian has decided to keep selling them to help pay for other trans men's top surgeries.

You can check out Aydian's shirts at The T-shirts are trans-themed, but anyone can buy and wear them. Check 'em out!

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