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Savage Love

"There are tons of people out there who aren't psychopaths who can describe their romantic histories in the same apocalyptic terms that you do."

I'm a short guy and I need advice. I don't want a small paragraph's worth of advice, like you gave "Below Their League" a few years ago. I need advice beyond "Women like men taller than them, get over it!" I get it. I'm short (5 foot 2), and most women are taller than me. And women like tall dudes just like I like slender women. Fat women may have it hard, but at least they have their fans and their own sex-object abbreviation: BBW. But where can a short guy go to feel appreciated? Is there an abbreviation or a dating website for us?

Jesus Christ, I'm Lonely

"Below Their League," who wrote to me in August 2010, described himself as a short, slender guy who was only attracted to tall, butch women. He longed to be held in the strong arms of a woman who could snap him in two — and he wasn't having much luck. This was the totality of my advice for him: "Most women prefer men who are taller than they are. It's a sad, unavoidable fact, BTL, one you'll have to accept (just as I had to accept that most men prefer women), and you'll have to search harder for the lady/lady arms of your dreams. Not much else you can do about it."

I think that advice is solid, JCIL, but I can see why it would be unsatisfying. So here are a few bonus paragraphs for you ...

There may be a few women with a fetish for short guys — women who aren't just open to dating short guys but filled with a panty-dampening, crazy-making lust for short guys — but there aren't enough of them to form the critical mass necessary to sustain even one website for short guys and the women who admire them. So it looks like you'll have to redouble your efforts at regular dating websites, JCIL, i.e., "search harder for the lady/lady arms of your dreams."

Christian Rudder, one of the founders of OkCupid, took a look at the impact height has on the dating and mating success of the site's users. It probably won't surprise you to learn that taller guys have more sex — just one measure of romantic success — but it may surprise you to learn that extremely tall guys (6 foot 6 and above) don't get many more "unsolicited messages" than extremely short guys. And then there's this: "Women six feet or taller are either less attractive to men or are considered too intimidating to message," Rudder writes. "[But] the data also raises the interesting possibility that these tall women are much more likely to sleep with a man who does approach them. Compare the 6'0" woman to her 5'4" counterpart: The taller woman gets hit on about two-thirds as much, yet has had slightly more sex partners."

The takeaway for you, JCIL: Try hitting on taller women.

I am a straight male who has never been in a romantic relationship. I am not a virgin, but every romantic relationship I've tried to pursue has ended in disaster. A few things you should know about me: While I am not a full-on clinical psychopath by a long shot, I am on that scale and do have psychopathic tendencies. I know this makes me sound like an asshole (and I probably am an asshole), but I am often the smartest person in the room. I wish this wasn't the case. Bottom line: I am extremely lonely. I have trouble relating to people, and they have trouble relating to me. I want to change how I relate to others, I want to be in a healthy relationship, and most of all I want to stop feeling so lonely. But, I don't even know where to start. Any guidance would be appreciated.

Alone And Afraid

You didn't mention seeking professional help, AAA, and maybe that's because you fear being smarter than the shrink in the room. But cognitive behavioral therapy is supposed to be an effective treatment for people with psychopathic tendencies. The goal isn't to change you or rewire your brain, as that's most likely impossible, but to change how you approach and interact with people. Also, AAA, a lot of people who are in relationships — even people who find it easy to interact with others — struggle with feelings of isolation. That's not uncommon. And there are tons of people out there who aren't psychopaths (or on the scale) who can describe their romantic histories in the same apocalyptic terms that you do. Get help, keep things in perspective, and live your life, do shit, go places, even if you have to go alone for now.

I am a college student just trying to get through my senior year with some halfway decent grades and a smidge of sanity. As such, I have basically given up the social scene. I avoid sexual or romantic interactions. The problem is, while I recognize that I will have plenty of time for social stuff once I graduate (and some far better prospects available with a degree to my name), the rest of me is having trouble getting with the program. My weekends are a lot quieter and my wallet is more comfortable, but sometimes I can't help feeling lonely. Is there anything in your bag of tricks for this self-imposed hermit?

Losing Out Nearly Everyday

Masturbate daily, LONE, and remind yourself before, during and after blowing those loads that your isolation is something you chose when you prioritized your education. It isn't something that was imposed on you by circumstance or height or mental illness — it's also a problem that will solve itself in six months.

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