Savage Love | Opinion | Pittsburgh | Pittsburgh City Paper

Savage Love

The criminal-justice system is rough on sex workers, and it's absolutely brutal to trans women who do sex work.

A few months ago, I started getting hang-up calls from numbers I didn't recognize. Then weird texts started showing up, trying to set up "dates." After the fourth or fifth call/text, Google informed me that my phone number is identical, except for area code, to a trans escort. I'm getting one or two calls or texts per week meant for this other woman. They've started to get more explicit, and they come at weird hours. I can ask my phone company to block each number individually, but that's a pain in the ass. I can text the correct area code to the men looking for the trans escort, but I don't want to help people too stupid to read a phone number correctly. I suppose I could report the whole thing to the police, but I doubt they'd care, and I don't have any moral objections to sex work: I just don't want people to call/text me asking for it. Aside from changing my phone number, anything you can suggest?

Stupid Phone And Messages

You claim to have no moral objections to sex work. But you're thinking of siccing the police on a sex worker — for one or two calls or texts per week. As pains in the ass go, SPAM, that sounds like a piddling one.

You know what constitutes a major pain in the ass for a sex worker? Being swept up in the criminal-justice system. You're right: The police are unlikely to drop everything to solve your problem. But if your call were answered by a cop who would rather hassle trans sex workers than go after criminals who are hurting people, this woman — who hasn't really harmed you — could wind up getting badly hurt. The criminal-justice system is rough on sex workers, and it's absolutely brutal to trans women who do sex work.

Here's a better idea: Call the trans escort and have a conversation with her.

As distressed as you are to receive these calls and texts, that sex worker will probably be more distressed to learn that she's losing potential clients. I have known and loved a few sex workers — loved in a strictly platonic sense — and most changed their professional phone numbers regularly to rid themselves of time-wasters and clients they didn't want to see again. The sex worker whose calls you're getting may be willing to change her number, or at least emphasize the correct area code in her ads.

The best way to demonstrate that you don't have a moral objection to sex work is to assume sex workers are human beings and treat them accordingly. Because sex workers are human beings, and most human beings are reasonable. If we were talking about a Fox News personality, my advice might be different — but we're not talking about a Fox News personality, are we?

I'm a happily married woman. My husband and I are interested in exploring anal sex. We enjoy finger play, but we haven't tried anything larger. He's afraid of hurting me and wants to start with toys and plugs. But I want to jump right in. In all honesty, I take shits that are longer and thicker than his erect penis. Do you think we need to start slow?

Anal Novice Anxiously Lusting

When I hear from straight couples starting to explore buttsecks, it's usually the boy who wants to "jump right in" and the girl who is afraid of getting hurt. I tell these straight boys that they are obligated to take their partner's feelings into account — they must take it slow, they must use lots of lube, they must start with fingers and toys and plugs, etc. Those are Buttsecks Best Practices. My advice for you is the same: You are obligated to take your partner's feelings into account. His fear of hurting you is just as valid as a woman's fear of being hurt. So while you may not need plugs and toys for your own comfort, ANAL, you should use them for his. It's possible, of course, that his concern is misplaced. But unless you've taken shits that have jumped out of the toilet and jammed themselves back into your ass, and then proceeded to pound away at you for 20 minutes, you really don't know what it's like to get buttfucked.

I am a 43-year-old female in a relationship with a 26-year-old male. We explore many things that he wasn't able to explore with younger women. But he does not orgasm from vaginal or anal sex. He comes only if he masturbates. He agreed to stop masturbating to see if that would help. No change. I suggested a urologist, but he's a college student with no insurance. Please help me to help him. He's going to need to be able to do this when he gets married and wants to start a family.

He Can't Come

He can so come — he just needs to crank himself over the edge using his fist. That may be the result of death-grip masturbation techniques, and he could retrain his dick with some time and effort. But it's not fair to say "he can't come." If a woman can't come from vaginal intercourse alone, which 75 percent of women can't, but can come during oral sex or when mixing fingers or a vibrator into vaginal intercourse, we don't say, "She can't come." We say, "This is what she needs to come."

This is what he needs to come. Maybe that will change with time, experience and some effort to mix up his masturbatory routine (get that boy a Fleshlight), but it's possible that this is how his dick works.

And when it comes time to have kids, he fucks his wife until she's satisfied, pulls out, jacks himself past the point of no return (a.k.a. "orgasmic inevitability"), shoves his dick back in and blows his load all over her egg(s). No problem.

On the Lovecast, the special rage of men who can't get laid:

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