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Savage Love

It usually takes being dumped several dozen times before a guy starts to do the hard work of dismantling his assholery

I'm a 26-year-old girl, and my boyfriend is bi. He accuses me of having slept with my male friends in the past, and makes negative comments about how many people I've hooked up with. Whenever I won't divulge something, he says, "Well, that means you did hook up with that guy before we met/you do think that waiter was cute/you were looking at porn on your phone." If I admit I was involved with someone (or that I think someone is cute), he gets really upset. He knows he's insecure. He says he's working on it. But do people grow out of this kind of thing? This is especially unfair given that I don't object to the shirtless snapchats he gets from guys he used to hook up with.

Torn In Re Envious Drudgery

Your boyfriend is not insecure, TIRED, your boyfriend is an asshole.

You shouldn't have to put up with slut-shaming or emotionally abusive behavior. Your boyfriend is not the tormented victim of his own psychic demons. He is tormenting you — he is abusing you — and conning you into giving him a pass by crying about his bullshit insecurities.

While some people overcome these strains of assholery, it usually takes being dumped several dozen times before a guy starts to do the hard work of dismantling his assholery. The longer someone like your boyfriend gets away with this kind of assholery, the longer he'll be an asshole. So do your boyfriend and yourself a favor, and DTMFA.

Lastly: I have a hunch your boyfriend is playing a "good offense is the best defense" game. He's probably doing more than just swapping shirtless pics with guys he "used to" hook up with. His jealous fits about your imaginary infidelities may be meant to distract you from his actual ones.

I am a 22-year-old bisexual female, and I have a boyfriend who I love. He says he wouldn't mind if I hooked up with other girls, as long as it was a one-night thing. That's not what I want. I want to have a boyfriend and a girlfriend. He is not keen on the idea. He says he feels like he is not enough for me. I reassure him constantly that this is not the case. He is everything I want in a man, but I still crave a woman's company. How can I approach this subject so that he will understand and accept it?

Feeling Emotionally Maligned

Your boyfriend may be everything you want in a man, but he's not everything you want. If you won't sacrifice having a woman in your life, then stop encouraging him to hope otherwise. When he says, "I worry that I'm not enough for you," you should be saying, "You're all the man I need, but it's true: You're not enough for me." Instead, you're saying, "You're everything I want! But, um, I totally need a girlfriend, too!"

No more mixed messages. Say this to him: "I don't wanna have one-night stands. I wanna have a relationship with one woman and a concurrent relationship with one man. You'll have to compromise on the only-one-night-stands-with-women thing if you want to be with me. Because I'm simply not willing to sacrifice that. Not even for you."

The risk, of course, is that your boyfriend will dump you. But if he doesn't want what you want, then he's not the right guy for you, is he?

I am a heterosexual woman. There is no doubt in my mind that my boyfriend loves women. Or that he loves me. My boyfriend says he is straight, but I sometimes think he is attracted to men. My gay best friend also thinks my boyfriend is attracted to men. Example: My boyfriend loves getting attention from this one gay waiter. My boyfriend goes out of his way to talk to him, the waiter responds with flirtation and is rude to me. I asked my boyfriend if he had a crush on this waiter, and he got mad. What does this mean?

Worried Over Really Repressed Yearnings

Your boyfriend could be straight and comfortable with his sexuality and attracted to the occasional (rude) gay waiter. Some (rude) gay waiters are simply irresistible, and some straight-identified guys aren't 100 percent straight, just as some gay- and lesbian-identified folks aren't 100 percent gay or lesbian. While some folks are bi and closeted, lots of people are only so rarely attracted to someone of the same or opposite sex that the straight label (or the gay/lesbian label) feels more accurate than the bi label. As for your gay best friend: Some (dumb) gay men are convinced that all straight-identified men are gay, bi or persuadable. The fact that some straight-identified men have been known to fuck the odd (rude) gay waiter or (dumb) gay best friend only fans the flamers.

I'm a 23-year-young woman, and I've been with my boyfriend for more than five years. We have a toddler. I love him very much. However, now he's just not doing it for me in the bedroom. I think I want to have sex with other people. It's not that I'm not sexually attracted to my boyfriend anymore. I just want something different. But I don't want to break up with my boyfriend. What do I do?

She's Horny And Growing

You start by telling your boyfriend that the things you've been doing in bed for five years aren't doing it for you anymore. Tell him you don't want to break up, tell him you're still attracted to him, but also tell him you're bored by your routine. Get to work on expanding your repertoire, developing some new moves, and sharing your fantasies. One fantasy you can toss on the table: your desire to have sex with other people. If he's opposed, ask him how he feels about you two being with other people together, e.g., threesomes, sex parties and swingers clubs.

On the Lovecast, a scientific study on Facebook creeping:

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