Savage Love | Opinion | Pittsburgh | Pittsburgh City Paper

Savage Love 

My brothers and I learned important life lessons shoplifting porn when we were your son's age.

I have a mentally disabled cousin who has lived for more than 40 years in the same nursing home in a small, conservative town. He is now in his late 60s. He has always enjoyed dressing up as a woman, but given that he's in a Christian nursing home, he must keep it fairly secret. He doesn't want to move from his home of so many years. He periodically calls to tell me about a dress he's purchased or his monthly therapy sessions where he's permitted to dress up, and I'm uncomfortable with the sexual vibe of the conversations. I would like him to have a sexual outlet, but one that doesn't involve me. Any ideas?

She Knows It's Really Tough


And staging some sort of intervention now — well, the effort seems about four decades late. Even if you could find a new living situation for your cousin, SKIRT, your cousin doesn't want to move. He'd probably be happier if he didn't have to keep his dresses secret, but things could be much, much worse.

I'm in a monogamous heterosexual relationship. We don't use protection except birth control. Is there any reason other than sexually-transmitted-infection issues — not an issue for us — that we shouldn't share a butt plug?

Sex Toys Are Pricey


We're a straight couple, and my boyfriend and I love playing with his butt. I love being able to ride him when he has a butt plug in, but it always falls out during sex. Do we need a different toy?

Plug Leaves Us Guessing

What you need is a bigger butt plug. The circumference of the widest part of the butt plug (the part that goes in his ass) needs to be four or five times greater than the circumference of the narrow part of the butt plug (the part his sphincters grip). If the widest part of your butt plug isn't much wider than the narrow part, that butt plug will fly out of your boyfriend's ass. Bigger butt plugs look intimidating, but the extra effort required to get a bigger butt plug in a straight boy's ass ... well, it pays off in the end.

My son is 13. After I caught him with porn on his smartphone, I replaced it with a dumb phone and limited his access to the internet. We have talked about desensitization and the oppression of women that occurs with porn. Yet the hormones rage on. He has asked me to buy him a Playboy. I want him to come to me to talk about sex, but a mom buying her son porn doesn't seem OK. If I don't buy him a magazine, he will seek porn on the non-parent-regulated internet. If I do purchase porn for him, doesn't that just encourage him to walk the path of porn?

Baffled By Teenaged Boys

If your son wants old-fashioned, pre-Internet porn, he can acquire it in the old-fashioned, pre-Internet manner: He can get his ass to a convenience store or a truck stop and steal some porn mags. My brothers and I learned important life lessons shoplifting porn when we were your son's age: to be watchful, to seize opportunities and to run like hell.

I am one of those straight girls who like to make out with other girls when I am drunk. It's fun to get the attention of men by kissing girls! Why do so many lesbians and bi women disparage this behavior? I am just an adult having sexy fun with other consenting adults!

Drunk Straight Girl

I can't believe there are still queers out there hatin' on drunk straight girls (DSGs) who make out with other DSGs. Same-sex marriage remains illegal in 38 states, the HIV-infection rate among young gay and bi men is up, and trans people who just want to use the toilet are being attacked in schools and state legislatures. (Google "rape" and "public restroom," and tons of stories come up — but they're all about straight men attacking women. Want to make public restrooms safer? Ban straight men from using them.) The queer community has 99 problems, but DSGs making out with DSGs ain't one.

I'm a female and have been seeing a great guy. We've been having awesome vanilla sex, but I dig light spanking. I have told him this, and he talks some hot dirty talk about what he's GOING to do to me, but there's no follow-through. This discomfort is linked to some abuse he witnessed — his stepdad hurt his mother. I'm happy for him to ease into it slowly, but it's been at least a month since I last brought it up, and I'll go crazy if I don't get some kinky sex soon.

Missing My Kinks

Here's what to tell your boyfriend: "Vaginal intercourse without consent is rape, but vaginal intercourse with consent is sex. You can wrap your head around that, right? So wrap your head around this: Spanking someone without consent is assault, but spanking someone with consent is sexy. And you're going to spank me right now, with my consent, and it's going to be hot."

No sex question. I just want you to tell me what is up with two guys at my gym. The skinnier dude does all the grunt work — sets up the weights, wipes down the equipment — while the bigger dude stands there. The skinnier one can't be the bigger dude's personal trainer. Yesterday when the bigger dude noticed his shoe was untied, he pointed to his shoe, and the skinnier dude knelt and tied his fucking shoe for him. What the hell?

Most Everyone At The Gym Is Freaked

What you've described sounds like a semipublic Dom/sub muscle-worship scene. But I could be wrong. If you have to know for sure, ask the bigger dude. If these dudes are doing some Dom/sub scene, and the point is to humiliate the scrawnier dude, the bigger dude will be only too delighted to tell you about it.


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