Savage Love | Opinion | Pittsburgh | Pittsburgh City Paper

Reading you over the years has absolutely changed my mind on gay marriage. I also live in Maryland, and, as you know, we voted last week to allow same-sex couples to legally marry. I was excited that I got to vote for marriage equality in my home state — even though it's fucked up that people get to vote on the civil rights of LGBT people at all. Thanks for all your writing. And congrats for the big wins last week.

Just Some Straight Guy

There's something I want to say about the votes — and the voters — in Maine, Maryland, Minnesota and Washington state. But first I want to say this to my fellow queers: We built this. The breakthroughs we saw last week, which included the election of the first openly gay person to the United States Senate (Wisconsin's Tammy Baldwin), we made that. LGBT people came out, fought back and changed the world. We have a lot left to do — repeal DOMA, pass ENDA, unfinished business with DADT (trans people are still barred from serving), defending the rights of queers around the world — but LGBT people have made tremendous progress. It has gotten better for us because we fought to make it better. 

Now here is what I want to say to straight people: Thank you.

I know so many straight people who worked unbelievably hard to win marriage equality. I know straight people in all four states who voted, gave money, worked phone banks and knocked on doors — all to make it possible for same-sex couples to marry.

Gays and lesbians are a tiny percentage of the population. And while we built this — we didn't build it on our own. The majorities in the state legislatures that voted to make same-sex marriage legal? Straight. The governors who signed laws making same-sex marriage legal? Straight. The majority of people who voted in favor of marriage equality in all three states after anti-gay bigots forced public votes on our civil rights? Straight. The majority that voted against writing anti-gay bigotry into Minnesota's state constitution? Straight. And the president who came out for marriage equality before his re-election campaign? Straight. It's gotten better for us because straight people have gotten better about us.

Rights are rights. They shouldn't be put up for a vote. And we shouldn't have to say "thank you" when they're recognized. But we didn't have to fight alone. And that's what we should thank the straight people for — for joining our fight.

Last week on my blog, I floated the idea of having a big party for all the straight people who came through for us this election. All those straight people wouldn't fit in a ballroom, but we can fit them on a single Tumblr page. Queers? If you know a straight person in Maine, Maryland, Minnesota or Washington — if you know a straight in any state or the District of Columbia — who donated money, phone-banked, went door-to-door or took a political risk on our behalf, take your picture with that straight person, write a few words about what they did, and post it to

I'll bet every queer person reading this knows a straight person who they should thank. I certainly do. Thank them in a public way. Because we couldn't have done it without them.

I am a twentysomething bi guy who loves sucking cock. I especially enjoy it when the recipient really enjoys himself (which is often) (not to gloat) (but I just did). My problem is that I don't really enjoy receiving. I have received head from three guys, which I realize is not a large sample, but every time it has been a non-event. It's almost like I can't even feel a mouth on my dick. How do I fix this?

Blowjob Boredom Blues

In sex comedies, sitcoms and porn, head is always presented as the ultimate sexual experience, but in reality, some men just don't dig head. Three cocksuckers is a pretty small sample. Let a few other guys suck your dick — let 'em fall face-first on your sword — but don't stress out if nothing changes. It could be a preference, not a malfunction.

I love to receive oral, but my wife has no interest when I try to return the favor. She claims it does nothing for her. We celebrated Obama's re-election with a bottle of wine in the bedroom. When I made a move downstairs, she didn't stop me. However, she said it tickled her like crazy. Is there something I can do to make this experience less hilarious for my wife?

What's So Funny?

Some women struggle with hang-ups or body issues that make it difficult for them to enjoy being on the receiving end of oral sex. But some women simply don't enjoy receiving oral sex. If your wife is generally comfortable in her own skin and with her own body, you may have to take her word for it when she says that oral sex does nothing for her. But if it truly does nothing for her — "nothing" would include "annoy" and "turn off" — maybe she can lie back and enjoy what it does for you.

I am a 22-year-old female who's only ever achieved orgasm during fellatio, and my boyfriend will not perform fellatio on me! I tried bringing it up during sex, but he didn't cooperate. He told me that he didn't want to do that because a mutual female friend told him that I didn't want him to. I did tell her that at the beginning of our relationship, but I don't feel that way anymore! I'm too embarrassed now to ask again, because it would feel like I was begging him for fellatio.

Need To Get Mine

Try asking your boyfriend for cunnilingus, not fellatio. If that doesn't do the trick — if he doesn't start eating your pussy — then DTMFA.

Find the Savage Lovecast (my weekly podcast) every Tuesday at

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