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Savage Love

People have been known to make vague and insincere promises about all the things they'll get into once they "feel more comfortable."

Healthy straight male here. My girlfriend doesn't like come in her mouth and she feels that doggy-style is objectifying to women. Therefore, we don't do either. She says she wants to get more comfortable and try these things. But they never seem to happen. These are No. 1 and No. 2 on my list of favorite things to do in the bedroom. The sex is otherwise great, but I do think there's a double standard at work. She had an ex who refused to go down on her. When I said, "He needed to take one for the team, even if he didn't like it," she agreed. So why can't she "take one for the team" and swallow my come? It disappoints me when she points my dick at my stomach when I start to come.

I love being with her, and I can see this becoming a lifelong relationship. But I don't want to miss out on my bedroom favorites for the rest of my life.

Really Anxious Not Doing Yearnings

The comparison you're making between your girlfriend and her ex isn't fair. Your girlfriend's ex-boyfriend refused to go down on her. Not only does your girlfriend go down on you, RANDY, she's getting you off. Her blowjobs might not wrap up the way you'd like, but you are getting blowjobs.

Where you see a double standard on the girlfriend's part, I see only whining on yours. Swallowing is extra credit. It's not a course requirement. If someone sucks your dick until you come, you got your damn blowjob. What a blower does with the come — spit, swallow, spread it on toast — is the blower's call to make.

And your girlfriend may have a good reason for not swallowing your come. Semen contains prostaglandins — "a group of lipid compounds that are derived enzymatically from fatty acids," says Wiki — and some people experience explosive diarrhea shortly after ingesting prostaglandins. It's possible that your girlfriend doesn't want to have to run to the bathroom and take a noisy shit while her boyfriend listens in the next room.

Maybe your girlfriend just doesn't like the way semen tastes. Or maybe she's had boyfriends in the past who "lost control" and shoved their dicks down her throat as they came. Or maybe swallowing turns her off for the same reason that doggy-style does, i.e., she sees it as objectifying. 

Maybe if you're patient, your girlfriend will come around. Of course, it's possible that your girlfriend is lying. People have been known to make vague and insincere promises about all the things they'll get into once they "feel more comfortable." Your girlfriend may be trying to run out the clock — hoping that by the time you realize she's never going to do your bedroom favorites, you'll be too emotionally invested to dump her.

I'm a female who loves to give head. The problem is, I think I'm giving head too soon and guys don't see me as relationship material. I've been in only one relationship that was longer than a casual hookup. Most of the straight girls I hang out with believe that a guy needs to earn getting his dick sucked. My gay friends don't see the problem. My straight guy friends chuckle and say "depends" when I ask if I'm blowing a guy too soon. I really enjoy sucking dick, so once I'm horny, it's hard to resist. How soon is too soon?

Blowing Losers Or What?

Generally, BLOW, I believe a person should do what she likes — and if you like giving head, give head. If getting head scares a boy off, well, he was the wrong boy for you. (I'm having a hard time picturing a guy who wouldn't want to date a woman who enjoys giving head — are there many guys like that?) But there's a simple way to find out if the guys you're meeting make date/dump distinctions between girls who blow 'em right away and girls who make 'em wait: Stop sucking guys off on the first date and see if they stick around.

I had to write after reading your response to Wanted Toys Too, the aunt who wanted to buy her niece a dildo. I was once a teen-age girl whose older cousin tried to "help me out" this way, and I was mortified. WTT wants to get her niece a sex toy, she said, because when she was a girl because she didn't want "a penis to be the first thing of substance put in [her] vagina." Guess what? That is exactly what I wanted, so I had no need for a dildo, and I had access to plenty of good sex advice! Advice that I asked for! This aunt is projecting her crap on her niece! She should mind her own business.

MYOB About Sex

Instead of getting information from sex-shop owners, why didn't you get information from a mental-health expert? We're talking about a 14-year-old struggling through the years of defining self and understanding her sexuality! Here's what you should've told WTT: "Back off. See a therapist. Get a boyfriend. Get a hobby. MYOB, Auntie."


In fairness to WTT, she had her niece's mother's permission to get her daughter a sex toy. My mother encouraged her kids to talk with one of her sisters about sexual issues we weren't comfortable discussing with our parents, so ... it's possible that WTT's niece has expressed an interest in a sex toy. It's also possible that (1) WTT's niece hasn't expressed an interest in a sex toy and would be mortified by the offer, and (2) my response to WTT was colored by my own relationship with my aunt. With the benefit of 20/20 hindsight, to say nothing of a file full of angry emails, I'll amend my advice to WTT with this: If your niece hasn't asked for help, info or a sex toy, better to MYOB.

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