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Savage Love

Why shouldn't penetration toys be readily available to your niece? Girls shouldn't have to resort to plastic bananas.

I want to buy my 14-year-old niece a dildo, some lube and an age-appropriate book about sex. (Can you recommend one?) I have her mother's permission, but I wanted to double-check on whether there are legal issues I should be concerned about. (I live in Oregon.) Would it be inappropriate to cross that boundary with my niece? I figure it would be less awkward to get these items from me than from her mother, and I would include a letter on love, sex and life with the promise that I will never bring the "gift" up, but that I will always be happy to talk if she wants to. 

Wanted Toys Too

P.S. I am motivated to do this by my own teen-age experience of not wanting a penis to be the first thing of substance put in my vagina. I had to resort to a plastic banana, no lube. Ouch!

"Your niece is lucky to have a mom and an aunt who are invested in her sexual well-being," says Jennifer Pritchett, the owner of Smitten Kitten, a sex-toy shop in Minneapolis. "She's also lucky to live in a time when sexual-health information geared toward young adults is readily available."

And why shouldn't penetration toys be readily available to your niece? All any 14-year-old boy who wants to experiment with penetration has to do is make a fist. Girls shouldn't have to resort to plastic bananas.

Pritchett recommends that you get your niece a copy of Heather Corinna's book S.E.X.: The All-You-Need-to-Know Progressive Sexuality Guide to Get You Through High School and College, and that you make sure your niece knows about, a comprehensive, sex-positive sex-ed website.

"But do not write an awkward letter!" says Pritchett. "All you are going to do is communicate your own insecurities about the ‘gift,' and trust me, she's got enough weird cultural hang-ups about sex and pleasure to deal with!"

Pritchett also suggests that instead of selecting a sex toy for your niece, you take her to a sex-toy shop so she can make her own selection — because, hey, what could be awkward about that? "If you really want to empower her," says Pritchett, "take her to an education-based shop like She Bop ( in Portland where their trained sex educators can help her figure out what she might like to try."

If your niece would like to go sex-toy shopping with you — and that's a big if — you'll need to make an after-hours appointment. "We are an 18-plus shop," says Jeneen Doumitt, co-owner of She Bop, "but we have made special arrangements in the past for younger teens. We would need to get written consent from the legal parent or guardian and the parent or guardian would have to accompany them."

There is also the option of going to a female-sex-positive website where your niece can pick the toys she wants you to buy — no letter from parent or guardian required, no embarrassing small talk.

I have a fetish for sweaty, stinky female feet, but I don't know how to approach strange women and ask them to fulfill my wishes. It sucks that I have to hire an escort or go to one of those foot parties that are always held in huge cities hundreds of miles away. How can I realize my dreams in the small hick town where I live?

Desperate For Feet

Sorry, but you're gonna have to go to a big city to realize your dreams. And if your dreams revolve around servicing the feet of more than one loving, indulgent woman, you're gonna have to pay nice ladies to make your dreams come true. Asking strange women to indulge your fetish isn't going to get you anywhere except a sex-offender registry.

I recently learned my husband once responded to an online ad from some guy seeking to give blowjobs to other men. He actually went to the guy's apartment but chickened out after meeting him. This was long before we were even dating, and it was during a five-year dry spell for him. I don't know whether I'm turned on or creeped out, but I am definitely having a reaction to the secret. Should I be worried he'll end up getting rest-stop blowjobs one day?

All Mixed Up

During a four-year dry spell of my own, I responded to offline offers of blowjobs from girls. I was horny, I was desperate, and I could close my eyes and pretend — I'm really dating myself here — that Bo Duke was blowing me.

Desperate men do desperate things. Just as my teen-age/closeted desperation drove me into the arms, beds and mouths of some nice young women, desperate straight guys have been known to accept blowjobs from gay or bi dudes. And just as the concentrate-on-Bo-Duke blowjobs I got didn't make me straight, the concentrate-on-Sofia-Vergara blowjobs straight guys get from dudes don't make them gay.

It's possible that your husband will wind up getting rest-stop blowjobs one day — anything is possible — but that one time he almost got a blowjob doesn't make it more or less likely. (I'm assuming your husband is telling the truth about not going through with it.) And as your being turned on by the thought of the husband getting a blowjob from another man doesn't make those rest-stop blowjobs any likelier either, you should let yourself be turned on by the idea.

After 20 years of boring vanilla-ness with my ex-husband, I'm tickled pink to be with a GGG guy. The problem: One of his kinks is a smoking fetish, and I don't smoke. Inhaling is a big part of the excitement for him, but I cough if I inhale, which ruins the mood. Any advice?

Cigarette Inhaling GGGirl

There are limits to being GGG, self-harm being one of them. Give him permission to explore this fetish with someone stupid enough to smoke. If he pouts, remind him who inhales his dick.

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