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Speaking of gaping orifices: Rick Santorum told CNN he has gay friends

I'm a single 24-year-old gay actor/singer/comedian who's going to be a doctor in a few years -- I have varied interests -- and I think being in a porn flick would be really hot. I don't know what the ramifications of ramming on cam could be with regard to my future career. The field I want to go into is a burgeoning branch of medicine generally unrelated to sex, but still involving patient care. Thoughts?

Wants To Film Lusty Orgasmic Lovin'

I don't know whether appearing in porn will make going into medicine more difficult, but it sure can fuck up a political career.

Sigh. For a few minutes it looked like Anthony Weiner was going to beat this thing. But the prudes and hypocrites carried the day.

Back to you, WTFLOL: Considering the time and money you're going to invest in becoming a doctor, and considering the recent panic about a few stray dick pics, I would advise you to err on the side of not appearing in commercial porn, which would require you to show your face. But show everything else on an amateur porn site like XTube -- just edit out any shots that show your face and any distinguishing features (a distinctive tattoo, the parasitic twin that juts from your neck). And, hey, if you want to make porn, not have it live forever online, and maybe win a big cash prize, you can enter HUMP!, my annual amateur porn festival. Details at

My boyfriend and I have been together for 10 years. A few years ago, he informed me that he was molested in high school by a teacher and was in a sexual relationship with this man until he met me. I don't have a problem with him being bisexual, but I do have a problem with him not having a problem with his molestation. He feels it was consensual; I feel this man preyed on him. He used to drink to avoid dealing with his emotions. He stopped drinking when he met me, but this secret causes him to have panic attacks. I help heal his wounds, but what do I get in return? Not what I want. He tells me that he doesn't want kids and doesn't want to marry me. He also hardly touches me. We're better friends than lovers. If I leave him, he'll have no one. If I stay, I feel alone. We have fun and make each other laugh, so it's not all bad. But I'm pathetic, right?

Midwest Mess

I'm going to get slaughtered for this: There are people who have panic attacks and drinking problems, don't want to get married or have children, etc., who weren't molested. I'm not saying that boyfriend's history is unrelated to his other issues. But if he doesn't regard that relationship as the source of all his troubles, you should stop insisting that he feel terrible/victimized because that's how you think he should feel.

Are you pathetic? No. You're in a relationship that's not living up to your expectations. Either you can adjust your expectations and try to appreciate the things this guy brings, or you can (1) be miserable in this relationship or (2) leave this guy and find someone else.

I'm a 22-year-old male with a vaginal fisting fetish. I have yet to tell my girlfriend of three years about this. First, although we're in love, fulfilling this particular kink would result in permanent physical changes that could ruin her for anyone else if we don't make it. Second, I'm not sure how to ask. I can't just say, "Hey, hon? Mind if I jam my arm in there?" Third, even if she were for it, I don't know where to start!

Fetishist In Serious Turmoil

First, at three years, all your kink cards should be on the table. She's not obligated to get into fisting to please you, so you're not going to "ruin her" by broaching the subject.

Second, you say something like "I think vaginal fisting is hot and I'm curious what you, the vagina-haver in this relationship, think about it."

Third, all wannabe vag-fisters should start by reading Deborah Addington's A Hand in the Bush: The Fine Art of Vaginal Fisting. ("If fisting ruined one for other partners, I'd have been fucked outta luck a long time ago," Addington said when I shared your e-mail. She recommends plenty of lube and lots of Kegels, if your girlfriend goes for it. "The only ‘drastic and permanent' changes that occur are the changes of mind and body that come when one realizes how much pleasure one can have," Addington continued. "The stretched-out black-hole-of-doom is a myth.")

Speaking of gaping orifices: Rick Santorum told CNN's Don Lemon that he has gay friends and he loves his gay friends and they love him back.

I'd like to hear directly from the gays who love Santorum despite his belief that gay people are no better than dog-fuckers and child-rapists, his promise to repeal the DADT repeal, his desire to write anti-gay bigotry into the U.S. Constitution, his opposition to gay adoption, and his belief that consensual gay sex should be a felony. If Santorum's gay friends love Santorum as much as Santorum loves his gay friends, I'm sure they would be only too glad to speak to the media.

Santorum told Lemon that his imaginary gay friends prove that he's no homophobe. But if you believe -- as Santorum has said -- that gays and lesbians are a threat to the family and a danger to the country, then you should be openly and proudly homophobic. So either Santorum is lying when he says we're a threat to the family, a danger to the country, etc., or he's lying when he says he has gay friends. Which is it, Rick?

IN OTHER SANTORUM NEWS: The No. 1 Santorum site -- -- is now being regularly updated by a smart group of new bloggers. For all your Santorum/santorum news, head to!

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