This past season, Pittsburgh Pirates announcer and former pitcher Bob Walk fell out of his chair during a broadcast on Root Sports. It was caught on camera and in the confined space of the announcer booth, there was certainly a chance that he could have been seriously hurt. But he was not hurt, and now the Pirates are acting on one of this country’s great truths: Whatever doesn’t kill us becomes a bobblehead doll.
Last week, the Pirates released their list of giveaways for the upcoming season. And in any other year, switching Free Shirt Friday to Free Shirt Saturday would dominate the headlines. But that change was upstaged by the announcement last week that Walk’s on-air crash would be memorialized in a May 20 promo called: “Bob Walk Chair-Tip Bobblechair.”
The bobblechair giveaway will certainly upstage Gregory Polanco’s bobblehead on Aug. 19 and cause people to completely overlook the June 17 Jordy Mercer bobblehead, much the same way they overlook Jordy Mercer the living, breathing shortstop.
But if anything will overshadow the bobblechair’s allure, it will happen during the second home game of the season, when the Pirates give away Francisco Cervelli singing bobblehead dolls (It plays “That’s Amore”). It would be better if it gave romance tips like the real Cervelli did on the Jumbotron last season.
In addition to bobbleheads, T-shirts, concerts, gloves, hats, jerseys and, wait for it, a jump rope, there will also be tickets to actual games that you can buy if you’re into that sort of thing.
Also, I assume the jump rope will be for us all to hang ourselves with if the Buccos miss the postseason again.