In defense of ghosting (sometimes) | Opinion | Pittsburgh | Pittsburgh City Paper

In defense of ghosting (sometimes)

Lately I’ve seen a lot of online commentary about ghosting. Most people seem to agree that it's horrible, selfish, and cruel. I definitely think there are certain scenarios where ghosting is awful, but I would like to argue that sometimes, it’s actually the nicest and most viable option at hand.

I think we can all agree that it’s pretty shitty to ghost your partner on your wedding day. A move like that definitely solidifies your spot in Hell. However, if you are about to marry someone who has been gaslighting or abusing you in a carbon monoxide sort of way (silent but deadly), then you should definitely ghost that S.O.B.! Your wedding day might be the one day your partner is distracted enough that you can disappear. Let the guests at your wedding judge you. You’re free. 

My point is that we generally don’t know the specifics of any relationship when its behind closed doors. I just don’t think the person who gets ghosted is by default the victim in every scenario.

Take, for instance, ghosting your Grammy on her death bed. That should warrant spending eternity with Beelzebub, right? Well, what if your Grandma was an awful woman who used to lock you in a car to punish you during the summer? I think it’s OK to ghost her. She’s lucky you didn’t suffocate as a child and become a real ghost.

I also think you should feel zero guilt ghosting people you meet on Tinder or Grindr or any social media hook-up site. If the reasons for getting together are based on superficial things such as looks and age, then ghosting is way kinder than coming out and saying, “You are uglier and older than I thought. Peace out.”

I also think it’s OK to ghost someone who originally ghosted you. Meta, I know.

I had a friend who ghosted me a few years back over a stupid business decision made by someone else. Recently the friend reached out to me but not with an apology. Rather, the friend acted like they didn’t know why we’re not on speaking terms.

I chose to ghost this friend not because they ghosted me, but because it was the best option for me. I have already made peace with our friendship ending. I realized it was always a one-sided friendship that wasn’t necessarily good for me. You don’t get to stab me in the back and then be bummed that I ghosted you. You made me the ghost that I am today, mate.

I guess I just wanted to say that it’s okay to not tell someone why you don’t want to know them anymore if that is what is best for you. In the words of Abraham Lincoln, “Actions speak louder than words.”

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