These films were not screened for critics locally, so we took a look at the trailers.





Film: Paul Blart: Mall Cop 2
Opening Date: Fri., April 17
Stars: Kevin James
Necessary Info: From the long, tear-stained list of Sequels We Never Asked For

Sample dialogue: “Security is a mission, not an intermission.”

Trailer Analysis: Mall cop Paul Blart goes to Las Vegas for a security-officer convention and winds up stopping a big heist — presumably the entire plot of this movie, which should have cost $1,000 and a weekend to make. None of the trailer’s “highlight” jokes — falling off a Segway, fighting a peacock and punching an old lady — are fresh or funny. James is depicted five separate times falling down (not funny), which isn’t as much screen time as the Wynn resort logo gets (six appearances, also not funny).

Based on these 2:40 minutes, should you go? No. Even fans of silly, pratfall comedy deserve better.





Film: Monkey Kingdom
Opening Date: Fri., April 17
Stars: Sri Lankan toque macaque monkeys
Necessary Info: A documentary from Disneynature, narrated by Tina Fey

Sample dialogue: The authoritative voice of Disney: “What makes somewhere home is family”; monkeys squawking

Trailer Analysis: Mom monkey, Maya, and her newborn son, Kip, have to leave their jungle home and make a new life in the city. It smacks of total Disney contrivance but HOLY SHIT, THESE MONKEYS ARE CUTE! They leap, hug, swim, steal things, climb antennas and Buddhas, eat fruit and are just generally adorable. (Mom has the grooviest old-school bowl cut.) The images are gorgeous, and there are bonus exotic animals: leopards, peacocks, tiny spotted deer-like creatures, a head-bopping lizard. It’s 100 percent designed to be 100 percent crack for anybody who likes monkeys.

Based on these 1:47 minutes, should you go? Do you want to watch 90 minutes of doll-like, golden-haired monkeys doing cute things? Then, go.






Film: Child 44
Opening Date: Fri., April 17
Stars: Tom Hardy, Gary Oldman, Noomi Rapace
Necessary Info: Adapted from the best-selling Tom Rob Smith novel; thriller about a serial child-killer in 1952 Russia

Sample dialogue: “I’m sure you realize that murder is strictly a capitalist disease.”

Trailer Analysis: Cringe as some of our best actors deploy some of the worst Russian accents. Beyond that it looks like routine serial-killer thriller: menacing music; gloomy locations (train yards, damp woods, subterranean spaces); overly serious dialogue delivered in those aforementioned SNL-skit accents.

Based on these 2:17 minutes, should you go? Save this one for cable and a six-pack, some lazy Friday night from now