At Home With: Mildred The Lunch Lady | At Home With ... | Pittsburgh | Pittsburgh City Paper
click to enlarge Mildred The Lunchlady (left) and Vera Lush - SCREENSHOT FROM MILDRED'S 4/20 BINGA
Screenshot from Mildred's 4/20 Binga
Mildred The Lunchlady (left) and Vera Lush

Everybody is dealing with the COVID-19 quarantines and restrictions in different ways. While there's no single right way to cope — social distancing and staying TF home aside — connecting with friends, family, and neighbors is a good place to start. You can contact your loved ones on your own, but you might also be curious how your favorite strangers in Pittsburgh are coping, so Pittsburgh City Paper is reaching out once a day to artists, activists, workers, and makers to see how they're doing.

Today, it's 84-year-old Blue Moon bartender Mildred The Lunch Lady.

What is your day-to-day routine like these days? What did you do this morning? What did you do this afternoon?
The first thing I did this morning is the same thing I do every morning. I start the day with an early-lunch. Followed by lunch and then second-lunch. Then it’s time for my daily exercises  the fork-to-mouth crunch. And then I end every day with my late-lunch and my midnight-lunch ... and, of course, a nightcap.

How have your virtual bingo nights been going? When is your next?
I’m down here quarantining with my best gal-pal, Vera Lush, at her beach condo in Boca Raton. Honey, let me tell you, we are Seniors Gone Wild! Vera and I miss our sexy times down at the Boca Raton Senior Center. All those handsome elderly men with their big bingo daubers! Bingo is me and Vera’s favorite game. Nothing is better than bingo  shuffleboard ain’t sh*t! But doing Bingo online is so much more fun because I get to talk to all my kids in Pittsburgh and around the world! I miss you kids! We’ll be having games every Friday night in May at 8 p.m. EST, and special games such as a "May the Fourth Be Bingo," a Mother’s Day afternoon-lunch Bingo, and a special Bingo for "Be A Millionaire Day" on May 20. All the bingos can be found online at the Mildred the Lunch Lady Facebook page.

What's the most coveted prize for winning bingo? What do the people really want?
These kids really want an escape from the boredom  and nothing is more exciting than Bingo! Kids enjoy our sanitary products — we’ve got latex gloves and hair nets! We got homemade hand sanitizer made by Vera and lots of very interesting soaps and bath bombs made locally in Pittsburgh by Hip Modern Soap. Also, lots of kids have been requesting the Mildred the Lunch Lady prayer candles. Lunch is the light, kids!

At the age of 84, what advice would you give to younger people struggling to stay happy and sane during stay-at-home orders and quarantine?
Don’t do crack, don’t sell it. Take it from Millie! And right now, just put your feet up in the lay-z-boy and enjoy yourself. Try playing bingo! But stay the heck home, we don’t want you kids getting us senior citizens sick!

What is a food you've come to love recently?
Lunch comes in so many varieties. I love them all! But canned foods is the best.

What is a piece of art/film/book/music/album/etc that you've connected with during quarantine?
I love the Rob Boss penis painting videos made by Dump Star Media. You can find them on the YouTube. Rob is such a talented young man. Also, reruns of Matlock! That man is a stud!

What are you most looking forward to after quarantines are lifted?
I can’t wait to get back to Blue Moon Bar in Pittsburgh so I can serve all the lunch and all the booze to all my lovely lil’ LGBLT babies!

What's a charity or cause that you'd recommend supporting at this time?
The work Dr. Stacy Lane at Central Outreach and the Hugh Lane Wellness Foundation have been doing getting people tested for the corona and taken care of is wonderful! These kids need to be healthy! ‘Cause this old lunch lady can’t wait to get back in the bar!

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