Dan,
I'm so very sorry to hear of your loss. I lost my father when I was 13 and it still has it's hard moments. Like your mum, he gave me so much: sense of humor, love of music, confidence in myself (though I sometimes forget I have this skill), and various other life skills that I wouldn't be me without. I had to watch him die on a hospital bed in our living room with all of the family around. I was in a daze through the whole thing. I can't remember anything after he took his last breath to the calling hours to the funeral and for a couple of days after. It's all a blur and I hate that. I got bombarded with "Be strong for your mother"s through it all and, sadly, I made myself forget him a little so I could do just that. I regret that and the few months leading up to his passing so very much.
Not that an advice columnist needs advice, but here's mine to you: don't dwell on her not being here but on all of the great things that happen while she was around. I had to get myself to do that (took about 10 years, though) and now I cry when I think of him mainly bacause I'm laughing so hard about something that happened. And I wouldn't it any other way. My boyfriend says he wishes he could have met my dad. They're very similar and I love that.
Take all the time you need. We'll still be here.
Samantha
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