For many Pittsburghers, especially those from marginalized communities, the post-election season brings heightened tensions. With the holidays approaching, members of the LGBTQ community feel an added layer of stress.
As a multicultural, mixed race, interfaith lesbian couple, my wife Kaajal and I deeply value diversity and inclusion. Living in a progressive and welcoming Pittsburgh neighborhood has given us a sense of safety and belonging. But that sense of security can quickly evaporate as we venture into the suburbs for family holiday gatherings.
For Millennials, Friendsgiving has become a popular tradition — a chance to gather with close friends instead of obligatory relatives. While it’s often seen as an excuse to eat, drink, and celebrate, for LGBTQ individuals, sharing a meal with a chosen family carries a far deeper meaning.
It’s a chance to exhale, free from the shadow of discriminatory comments.
It’s a meal where self-expression is met with smiles, not stares.
It’s an evening to celebrate love, authenticity, and acceptance.
For us, it’s GAYSgiving — a Thanksgiving meal shared with our chosen LGBTQ family.
This is a space for our queer family to come together and break bread free of judgment. Everyone brings a side dish and knows that they are truly welcome and loved, no matter what.
We deeply care for our biological family members. But as a lesbian couple, being part of a conservative family presents unique challenges.
Awkward topics often arise, from clashing politics to differing opinions on healthcare. Religion and theology are weaponized against our marriage. And this election season, it feels like debates about grocery prices outweighed conversations on equality and inclusion.
My wife and I aren’t a PDA (public displays of affection) kind of couple, but even holding hands at the dinner table is absolutely off-limits. Most of the children in the family aren’t even told that gay couples exist — it’s simply Aunt Katy’s “special friend.”
Family gatherings can be tough for anyone. There’s the “drunk uncle” to avoid or the endless “when is it your turn to have kids” questions. But for the LGBTQ community, these challenges go beyond awkward conversations.
It’s the absence of acceptance for who we are as human beings.
It’s the fear of judgment and rejection.
It’s the pain of not receiving love and support from the people that brought you into this world.
Although data is limited, studies show that about half of young LGBTQ individuals are estranged from at least one parent — not to mention siblings, uncles, aunts, cousins, grandparents.
We’re not seeking special treatment, just safety and equality. There’s no better feeling than joining a group of like-minded human beings that love you exactly as you are.
One day, I hope to have the resources to host a giant Gaysgiving where every LGBTQ Pittsburgher can come eat, drink, laugh, and be loved. Every person deserves a safe space to belong, especially during the holidays
This year, I’m grateful for those who surround my wife and me with unconditional love, constant support, and light. May your dinner table be a place of belonging, acceptance, and inclusion.
Cheers to Gaysgiving!
This article appears in Nov 20-26, 2024.
