Know Your Bartender: Satya from Tessaro’s | Drink | Pittsburgh | Pittsburgh City Paper

Know Your Bartender: Satya from Tessaro’s

“If ol’ robot pal could also greet me at the door with my preferred cocktail of the evening…I would be just tickled pink.”

Know Your Bartender: Satya from Tessaro’s
CP photo: Jared Wickerham
Satya inside Tessaro’s

You are granted an extra day in the week. How do you spend it?

Setting fire to metal by some means or another — welding, blacksmithing, fabrication, etc., followed by hanging out with my amazing, wonderful, loving family. Then I would maybe ride an elephant for about 45 minutes.

What Pittsburgh institution do you love?

Have you seen the steamfitters apprenticeship training facility in Harmony? It’s state-of-the-art with all kinds of access to equipment and instruction for welding!  Soooo beautiful. 

If you could design your own brand of something, what would it be?

Fully handmade bars made entirely of metal, wood, and leather. That and custom-made luxury gloves for people with small hands.  

You've won a vacation for two at a luxury resort on the moon. Who do you take with you?

The MOON? Aw hell no, I’m not going to the moon! I would sell the tickets to the highest bidder and then see if Dolph Lundgren would join me to go glamping in Tanzania.

Is there a time or place from your past you wish you could revisit?

No. I don’t believe in looking back wistfully into the past. It’s unproductive for me and induces feelings of unnecessary nostalgia. NOW is where I like to live.

If you could reboot/remake a TV show, what would it be?

Kath and Kim— the original Australian version with the original cast.

You are given a robot that can perform virtually any task. What do you ask it to do?

ALL domestic chores! I don’t ask for much, I just really despise cleaning and doing housework of ANY kind.  If ol’ robot pal could also greet me at the door with my preferred cocktail of the evening — which it can obviously sense based on brainwave algorithms—I would be just tickled pink.

If a band wrote a song about your life, what would the title be?

Two songs about my life already exist: “My Life” by Space Primates x GoldFord, and “Horns” by Bryce Fox.

What is your dream vehicle?

1972 306 V8 Classic Ford Bronco, lifted and riding on 33-inch BFG All-Terrain T/A KO2s. Solid black, no chrome, no white top. That, and most definitely a tuk-tuk: fuel-efficient, agile, elegant, convenient, and my dog can ride comfortably without sacrificing the panoramic view from his perch.

Milk or dark chocolate?