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Savage Love

My advice is the same for all queer kids with hyperconservative parents: Don't fear their rejection — make them fear yours

I'm a straight guy. Last month, I was in the locker room at my gym at 4 a.m. I was getting ready to leave, when I noticed someone exiting the showers. He caught me looking (he was very well endowed), and I quickly turned my head, embarrassed. About 20 seconds later, he came around the corner and said, "Hey, how ya doin'?" He was still naked, and it was obvious that he was wondering if I wanted to try something. (He was 10 or 11 inches now!) I didn't know what to think, so I got the hell out of there. I've never been with a guy, but for the past few weeks, I can't stop thinking about it. I kinda wish I hadn't left so fast. I guess I'm turned on by the size, and curious about maybe trying oral? That's all I'm curious about, nothing else. I am way more attracted to girls, but I can't shake these thoughts.

Panic At The Dick, So?

I was wondering what happened to Joey from Friends.

You're clearly straight enough to continue identifying as straight. But as you learned in that locker room, to get yourself to straight, you have to round yourself down the tiniest bit. (Or round yourself up: Depends on how you feel about straight.) But you are now aware that you're curious about dick, and given the right circumstances (oral only) and the right dick (big), you could hit/suck/stroke that.

You didn't miss your only opportunity to explore your desires. There are other giant dicks out there. Hell, you might get another chance at that particular dick. The next time an opportunity presents itself — whether you leave that opportunity to chance (another encounter with Mr. Ten or Eleven Inches Now) or create your own (taking out a few NSA sex ads) — put your limited interests (oral only) and even more limited experience (none) on the table and let the dude decide if he's in (your mouth).

I can orgasm without stimulating my clitoris — but only through anal sex. What gives?

A Nosy Admiring Lass

The Lord giveth, ANAL, and He gave you an amazing superpower. I wouldn't question it too much, lest the Lord peg you for an ingrate and taketh away.

I'm a 25-year-old lesbian, and I live with my partner of two years. My family is coming to visit from Texas, where they are part of a hyperconservative church. I'm not out to my mom. While I want this to be a happy occasion, I'm not willing to hide who I am in my own home. I'm considering asking my sister to out me to my mom so that maybe she'll be done screaming and yelling by the time she arrives. I know this is chickenshit, but I can't bring myself to come out to her.

Anxiously Fearing Repulsive And Irrational Diatribes

My advice is the same for all queer kids with hyperconservative parents: Don't fear their rejection — make them fear yours. Tell your mom you're queer, AFRAID, and tell her that you won't speak to her or see her if she can't treat you and your partner with respect. The only leverage an adult child has over her parents is her presence. If your mom treats you like shit, absent yourself. If she's rude to you in your own home, kick her ass out. You're a grown woman: It's time to stop being scared of mommy.

My boyfriend and I have a great relationship and in general, we have great sex. But both of us have things we like to do that the other is not a big fan of. I enjoy being the bottom, but I like to top as well. My partner, who does not particularly enjoy bottoming, is turned on by the idea of me being submissive. Both of us are GGG and willing to explore these things. But is it OK to put limits on how often this happens? How do we compromise, keep it fun and keep our GGG status intact?

Quid Pro Quo

What I'm about to propose may seem elaborate, but bear this in mind: Marijuana is legal where I live.

Take the average number of times you two have sex in a month. Divide that number in half, then divide it in half again. You each get a stack of red poker chips equal to the third number, plus one blue poker chip. So let's say you guys have sex 12 times a month on average. Half of 12 is six, half of six is three — you each get four chips: three red, one blue. (Still with me? Good. I could use some chips right now myself.) On nights when you want to top your boyfriend, you hand him one of your red chips. On nights when he wants you to be submissive, he hands you one of his red chips. If he doesn't want to bottom for you, he can veto your red chip by surrendering one of his. Likewise, you can veto one of his red chips by surrendering one of yours. When a veto is played, you default to the sex you have most of the time, and the chip used to veto is forfeit. An unused chip doesn't carry over to the next month.

Basically, you don't have to be submissive when you're not feeling it, and he doesn't have to bottom when he's not feeling it. But if you never agree to submit, you never get to top him. If he never agrees to bottom, he never gets to dominate you.

What's the blue chip for? It's a "free veto" you can sacrifice without giving up a chance to fuck or dominate the other.

So there you go! With the help of legal marijuana, I've turned your compromise into a sexy game. Have fun!

On the Lovecast: Premature ejaculation — what can be done? At