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Savage Love

My advice: Stop cock-in-frock-blocking your friend and let him know you accept him for who he is.

I am writing about a friend. By all appearances, he is straight. However, on more than one occasion, he has gotten drunk and tried to hook up with a transvestite or a person who could have been one. In one instance, he went to a club and was approached by a really masculine-seeming girl who proceeded to give him head. On a trip to Las Vegas, he drunkenly picked up someone who I was told looked like "Kevin Garnett in a wig." He tried to take this person back to his hotel, but friends put a stop to it. I just received a message from a friend who said that he just tried the same thing again with yet another manly-looking transvestite type. I can understand if these cases happened with transvestites who looked like real women: It's easy to fool someone when he's drunk. However, these situations all seem to indicate he is seeking out transvestites. Could he be harboring some gay or bisexual tendencies? I've never seen him act this way when sober. Or could he have the world's thickest pair of beer goggles?

Cautious Lad Observing Developments

When we speak of "beer goggles," CLOD, we refer to someone too drunk to realize that he/she has accidentally picked up a type that he/she would not normally/soberly find attractive. But I don't think your friend is getting drunk again and again and going after this particular type again and again by accident. Your friend isn't going after these types because he's drunk. He's getting drunk so he can go after these types.

Before we go on, a word about the term transvestite. I don't think it means what you think it means. A transgender woman is not a transvestite, and a transvestite is not a transgender woman. A trans woman is someone who was "coercively assigned male at birth," as they say on Tumblr, but who now identifies and lives as female. A transgender woman may or may not have had sex-reassignment surgery — which means, of course, that a transgender woman could have a dick or she could have a pussy. "Transvestite" is an archaic term for "crossdresser" that no one uses anymore.

I don't know what your friend is looking for in a sex partner. But I did drag for nearly a decade, and there was a certain kind of guy who lurked around drag shows. By all appearances, these guys were straight. But they weren't interested in women, they weren't interested in boys who could pass, and they weren't interested in trans women. They were interested in guys like me: 6-foot-8 in heels, big tits, 26-inch waist (thank you, waist cincher!), and a latex minidress. I didn't look like a woman. I looked like a big fuckin' drag queen. (My drag name? Helvetica Bold.)

The queens I ran with called the guys who wanted to fuck us "panty chasers." I didn't know at the time that there was an actual $20 term for guys who were into us: gynandromorphophiles, a.k.a. "lovers of males in the shape of females." Some gynandromorphophiles are into crossdressers, some are into drag queens, and some are attracted to trans women. While some want partners who can pass, many gynandromorphophiles want the mix to be obvious. Give them a choice between a "real woman" — cis or trans — and a guy who looks like "Kevin Garnett in a wig," and they'll choose Kevin Garnett every time.

So back to your panty-chasing friend, CLOD. I'm pretty sure the reason you've never seen him "act this way when sober" is because booze provides him with the courage and the alibi he needs. My advice: Stop cock-in-frock-blocking your friend and let him know you accept him for who he is. You may help him find the courage to accept himself before his liver gives out.

I'm a straight 18-year-old female, and I'm still a virgin. I'm going to a university next fall, and I am starting to wonder about going on some method of birth control. My degree will take six years to complete, and I expect that within those six years I might want to have sex with someone. Would going to the doctor and having an implant or IUD inserted be dumb? I trust the doctor I have here at home; the second I turned 14, he gave me tons of info on birth control. So I would be more than comfortable getting it through him. 

Thinking I Might Encounter Love Yearnings

"It is in no way ‘dumb' to consider contraception as a virgin," says Dr. Unjali Malhotra, medical director for Options for Sexual Health British Columbia, a.k.a. the Planned Parenthood of British Columbia. "It is actually best to get on a method prior to ever having sex to ensure she is happy on her chosen option before acutely requiring it."

Dr. Malhotra also supports — acutely supports — your preference for a long-term method.

"Although oral contraceptives are popular," says Dr. Malhotra, "they have up to a 9 percent ‘typical-use' failure rate." Pills can fail a woman who forgets to take them, but a woman can't forget to take her IUD or implant. Which is why progesterone-releasing IUDs have failure rates of 0.2 percent, copper IUDs have failure rates of 0.8 percent, and implants have failure rates of 0.05 percent. "TIMELY can choose between a nonhormonal copper IUD, a progesterone-releasing IUD and a progesterone-releasing implant," says Dr. Malhotra. "Timing-wise, she has options of a three-year implant, five-year IUD and 10-year IUD. There are advantages to each, which she can discuss with her physician. And, despite myths to the contrary, there are very few risks with an IUD, and she can remove it and get pregnant at any time if she wishes."

None of these options, however, will protect you from sexually transmitted infections, TIMELY, so use condoms regardless. For more info about birth control, sexual health and STIs, go to

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