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Savage Love

Proper etiquette for guests is to ignore a host's mislaid sex toy.

As a matter of courtesy to my wife, I always clear the browser history on whatever device (computer/iPad) I may have used to view pornography. I have always assumed that she doesn't want to see "Teen Anal Adventures" or "Lifestyles of the Deep and Fisted" in the browser history. However, the other day, she noticed a blank history and berated me for "keeping secrets" regarding my masturbatory viewings. I thought I was following proper etiquette. Your thoughts?

Wondering Husband Always Clears Kache

If your wife enjoys porn, doesn't smut-shame you for enjoying porn and wants to check your browser history because she finds it titillating, then stop clearing your browser history.

But if your wife hates porn and smut-shames you for watching it, WHACK, then keep clearing your browser history. She's not angry that you're keeping secrets. She's angry that you're watching porn, and she's trying to create a lose-lose scenario. Watch porn and don't clear your browser history? Get in trouble for watching porn. Watch porn and clear your browser history? Get in trouble for watching porn. The only way you can avoid getting in trouble? Stop watching porn.

And we both know that ain't gonna happen.

So keep clearing your browser history, which is the courteous thing to do. And ignore the wife if she tries to make you feel guilty, because controlling, smut-shaming behavior shouldn't be tolerated. (My response presumes that you're not neglecting the wife's needs in favor of alone time with your laptop. If your habits are immoderate and/or you're neglecting her, then your wife has every right to be furious — at you, not porn.)

I'm gay and so is my insanely attractive boyfriend. He enjoys getting compliments, and gets them frequently. The frequency with which guys make passes at him has started to make me uncomfortable. I told him this, and he says he isn't going to tell them to stop because he doesn't see the problem, and it would seem standoffish to say anything negative. He tells me that it's not like he's making passes back; most of the time he insists I'm misinterpreting an innocent interaction. Am I being appropriately protective, or a jealous douche?

Scared And Protective

If your friends or his are making passes at your boyfriend, then you have a right to be angry. Gay etiquette dictates that friends either refrain from making passes at insanely attractive guys with boyfriends, or that they make passes at the insanely attractive guy and his boyfriend. If your friends are making the passes at your boyfriend only, or they're making passes at both of you when they know your relationship is exclusive, you and your boyfriend need to tell them they're being huge assholes.

But there's not much you can do about strangers making passes at your boyfriend, particularly if your boyfriend enjoys the attention. And it sounds like he does.

You've got a hot boyfriend, and that has its perks, and its drawbacks, too. Putting up with other people innocently hitting on your boyfriend — innocent because they don't know your boyfriend is partnered, and because your boyfriend isn't exuding a fuck off vibe — is the price you'll have to pay. Taking these passes and your boyfriend's clear enjoyment of them in stride, SAP, is wiser than allowing something outside your control to become a source of conflict.

While staying with friends of friends in their guest suite, I discovered a "funnel gag" on the floor next to the bed. (I took a picture and did a Google Images search.) My guess is that it fell there after its last use, as it was on the side of the bed nearest the wall and it could have been overlooked during "cleanup." Do I say something? What do people use these things for?!?

Guest Asks Graciously

People don't use them to "water" stubborn plants, GAG.

And the proper etiquette is to ignore the mislaid sex toy. Leave the gag where you found it and say nothing about it to your hosts, your mutual friend or syndicated sex-advice columnists. Whether your hosts stumble over the gag after your visit or realize it's missing and slip into their guest suite to retrieve it during your visit, your discretion will allow your hosts to tell themselves that you didn't discover it.

I'm in college and a lesbian, and I have a question about strap-on etiquette. My previous girlfriend and I bought one together, and I enjoyed being on the receiving end. When we broke up, she took it since she felt like she had "bonded" with it. My current GF and I have been thinking of getting one, but I'm not sure how I feel about another joint purchase. I don't know if our relationship will last after I graduate, and the prospect of getting a new toy every time I break up with someone isn't appealing. Would it be reasonable to buy a strap-on that I can bond with, and to ask future partners to use it?

Seeking Toy-Related Advice Pronto

Even if a strap-on is a joint purchase, purchased for the pleasure of the person "on the receiving end," it's not uncommon for the wearer — the person on the giving end — to come to regard it as an extension of her body and bond with it. Even if your ex had allowed you to keep that strap-on, STRAP, odds are good that your new girlfriend would also have seen that old strap-on as an extension of your ex's body, and insisted on it being replaced.

Go halfsies on a new strap-on — on the harness and the dildo — and one or two other sex toys of comparable value. If the relationship ends, your new ex-girlfriend keeps the strap-on, you keep the funnel gag.

Programming Note: "Chick-fil-A" is an obvious synonym for "pegging," right? I shall now use Chick-fil-A in a sentence: "Her boyfriend's kinda homophobic, but I hear he loves Chick-fil-A."

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