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Savage Love

I am a 16-year-old female in a monogamous relationship with a boy. My first, his too. He has gone down on me three times, but I have never given him a blowjob. I'm scared he will be disappointed. We fight sometimes because he feels it's unfair that he goes down on me and I don't go down on him.

On top of this, he will stick the tip of his hard penis just inside the opening to my vagina, again and again. I guess you could call it "probing." I know that there's a slight risk of pregnancy, as pre-come can get a woman pregnant and he doesn't wear a condom when he does this. We are planning on intercourse in the next few months, with condoms and birth control, but this worries me.

I know there is a risk of pregnancy even if we use condoms and birth control. I couldn't handle a child at my age or the humiliation of having to walk around town with the evidence out for all to see. I would have an abortion. He disagrees strongly with abortion, but he's not the one who would have to go through it all! So I would probably end up having an abortion without telling him, which seems completely unfair.

No Clue What To Do


I'm going to take your problems one at a time, in ascending order of importance/assholery.

1. A disappointing blowjob is always less disappointing than no blowjob at all, particularly for teen-age boys.

Yes, you'll probably be pretty inept at first. Take things slowly and only take him as far into your mouth as you feel comfortable with. (Feel free to wrap a fist or two around the base of his cock so you can control how fast and far his dick goes into your mouth.) Don't let your boyfriend rush or guilt you into blowing him by pointing to all the times -- all the three times! -- that he went down on you. Sucking cock is physically trickier and more taxing than eating pussy. That frees you from having to get him off with your mouth the first few dozen times.

2. Probing is low-risk for pregnancy, but there's still some risk. What worries me is that this activity makes you uncomfortable and either you haven't said anything to your boyfriend or you have said something and he's doing it anyway. Tell him no more probing. If he initiates probing after you've made it clear that you're not comfortable with it, break the fuck up with him. Which brings us to …

3. Memorize this, say it to him, and mean it: "If I let you stick your dick in my vagina and I get pregnant, I am getting an abortion. If you can't live with that -- if you aren't willing to shoulder the psychic risk of knowing that your girlfriend would get an abortion, while she shoulders the actual physical risk of an unplanned pregnancy -- then I am never going to let you stick your dick in my vagina. You're free to disagree with my choice, but you can't prevent me from making that choice."


I'm a 25-year-old gay male with a foot fetish. I have a boyfriend who lets me indulge by rubbing his feet. When I brought him home to meet the folks, at one point he took his shoes off and casually rested his feet in my lap while sitting in the living room with my parents. I felt really weird about rubbing his feet with my parents looking on. My boyfriend thinks I shouldn't worry because my parents don't know about my kink and a foot rub looks innocent enough. Am I right to feel weird about this?

Bear Foot Fetishist


Let's say your parents ran across gay foot-fetish porn on your computer when you were a teen-ager. Are your mom and dad the kind of sexually progressive parents who would ruin your sex life forever by initiating a mortifying conversation about what they found? Or are they kind of sexually inhibited parents who would do the right thing and never, ever mention what they found? Hopefully the latter.

So it's entirely possible that your parents do know about your kink, and they were weirded out when your new boyfriend went out of his way to give you a boner while they were there.

Speaking of questionable judgment: I've watched a lot of hot boys from small towns wash up in my urban hellhole over the years. These boys typically leverage their good looks to get jobs making coffee/burritos/drinks/whatever, and then, over the course of a year or two, throw their good looks away with the assistance of booze, cigarettes, tattoo artists and professional piercers. 

I get it: Nothing stays the same, and these guys aren't trying to earn sexual currency with old fags. But there's this one waiter/barista/bartender/whatever who works in a place near my office who, having already gone in for tattoo sleeves on both arms, recently stuck a pair of plugs in his earlobes. I worry that the plugs are going to get bigger until this boy -- who's just so damn lovely -- turns his earlobes into earlabia. (That's what they look like when people walk around without the plugs in.)

Earlabia don't look good on anybody. Please make a note of it, hipster boys.


I'm a 20-year-old female girl. I'm wondering if it's bad that I use porn to masturbate. I feel bad after I do it. Is it bad? Should I stop?

Worried Porn Girl


Not bad, don't stop. You should, however, be a conscientious female girl-porn consumer. Sex writer Violet Blue does an amazing job covering and uncovering porn that's nonexploitative and female-girl-positive/female-girl-created, and reading Violet will help cure you of that case of post-orgasmic porn shame you've got. (For the record: Straight porn created by and for men can be female-girl-positive, too.) Read Violet at


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