Brooks Marzka ran as a Republican for Mayor of Edgewood Borough. The small borough, located just east of Pittsburgh City limits, is overwhelmingly Democratic. But that didn’t deter Marzka from getting onto the Republican ballot and competing in the general election. Well, competing might be an operative term.
Marzka’s campaign slogans were “Guaranteed Sex Scandal” and “Putting the Wood in Edgewood.” He even put up campaign signs near Edgewood with these slogans, including one that read “Marzka 4 Mayor, or he’ll steal your carzka” with photos of Marzka pretending to break into vehicles.
The campaign confused the hell out of residents and passersby on Nextdoor.com. Last week before the election, a Swissvale resident posted on Nextdoor, “What’s going on in Edgewood? On my drive home I have been seeing some weird signs related to the mayoral race. I’m not trying to stir up local politics, I’m just genuinely confused about what’s happening.”
The post attracted dozens of comments. Some were just as confused. Others derided Marzka, at which time he personally responded in what appears to be attempts to keep his gag running. He even jokingly implied that his opponent, Democrat Ryan O’Donnell, might have been behind his stolen dog. (I am also assuming this was also a joke, and that his dog was never stolen. Does Marzka even have a dog?)
One Nextdoor user did lay out in plain terms that Marzka was running a fake campaign, but even that confused some commenters.
“The republican candidate is a literal joke,” wrote one user.
“Why is he a joke?” replied another user, earnestly.
“He has been on here literally saying his candidacy is a joke. I am not using ‘literally’ here as an intensifier or in a figurative sense. It is a joke candidacy,” the user answered.
The library published his priorities for office, which Marzka himself called unreasonable.
“As a politician, I feel obligated to make some unreasonable promises. Thus, if elected, we’ll eliminate taxes and print money to fund the following:
- Moving walkways will replace our sidewalks.
- We’ll build a retractable dome over Edgewood for when it rains and snows.
- Taco Tuesday will be an official, work free, holiday for all.
- Free massages whenever someone is having a bad day.
- I’ll find whoever is breaking into the cars and tickle them until they agree to stop.
- Everyone will live forever.
It’s pretty obvious just looking at Marzka’s posters that his campaign was tongue-in-cheek. Not that Pittsburgh City Paper is encouraging people to run for office as literal jokes, but some of the Marzka posts are pretty funny.
However, when rubber hit the road, Edgewood voters had better sense and rejected Marzka on Election Day. Marzka only received 110 votes and was defeated by an 80-point margin. That is a worse performance than Donald Trump got in 2020 and 2016, which was already one of the worst performances for a Republican in Edgewood.
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