ARIES (March 21-April 19):
Sometimes, I give you suggestions that may, if you carry them out, jostle your routines and fluster your allies. But after trying out the new approaches for a short time, you may chicken out and revert to old habits. That’s understandable! It can be difficult to change your life. Here’s an example. What if I encourage you to cancel your appointments and wander out into the wilderness to discuss your dreams with the birds? And what if, during your adventure, you are flooded with exhilarating yearnings for freedom? And then you decide to divest yourself of desires that other people want you to have and instead revive and give boosts to desires that you want yourself to have? Will you actually follow through with brave practical actions that transform your relationship with your deepest longings?
TAURUS (April 20-May 20):
You have done all you can for now to resolve and expunge stale, messy karma — some of which was left over from the old days and old ways. There may come a time in the future when you will have more cleansing to do, but you have now earned the right to be as free from your past and as free from your conditioning as you have ever been. APRIL FOOL! I lied. In fact, you still need to spend a bit more time resolving and expunging stale, messy karma. But you’re almost done!
GEMINI (May 21-June 20):
Businessman Robert Bigelow hopes to eventually begin renting luxurious rooms in space. For $1.7 million per night, travelers will enjoy accommodations he provides on his orbiting hotel, 200 miles above the Earth's surface. Are you interested? I bet more Geminis will be signing up for this exotic trip than any other sign. You're likely to be the journeyers most excited by the prospect of sailing along at 17,000 miles per hour and witnessing 16 sunsets and sunrises every 24 hours. APRIL FOOL! In fact, you Geminis are quite capable of getting the extreme variety you crave and need right here on the planet’s surface. And during the coming weeks, you will be even more skilled than usual at doing just that.
CANCER (June 21-July 22):
The coming weeks will be a favorable time for you to become the overlord of your own fiefdom, or seize control of a new territory and declare yourself chieftain, or overthrow the local hierarchy and install yourself as the sovereign ruler of all you survey. APRIL FOOL! I was metaphorically exaggerating a bit — but just a bit. I do in fact believe now is an excellent phase to increase your clout, boost your influence, and express your leadership. Be as kind you can be, of course, but also be rousingly mighty and fervent.
LEO (July 23-Aug. 22):
In his poem "The Something," Charles Simic writes, "Here come my night thoughts on crutches, returning from studying the heavens. What they thought about stayed the same. Stayed immense and incomprehensible." According to my analysis of the astrological omens, you Leos will have much the same experience in the coming weeks. So there’s no use in even hoping or trying to expand your vision. APRIL FOOL! I lied. The truth is, you will not
have Simic's experience. Just the opposite. When your night thoughts return from studying the heavens, they will be full of exuberant, inspiring energy. (And what exactly are “night thoughts”? They are bright insights you discover in the darkness.)
VIRGO (Aug. 23-Sept. 22):
If there will ever come a time when you will find a gold bullion bar on the ground while strolling around town, it will be soon. Similarly, if you are destined to buy a winning $10 million lottery ticket or inherit a diamond mine in Botswana, that blessing will arrive soon. APRIL FOOL! I was exaggerating a bit. The truth is, I suspect you are now extra likely to attract new resources and benefits, though not on the scale of gold bullion, lottery winnings, and diamond mines.
LIBRA (Sept. 23-Oct. 22):
Do you have a muse, Libra? In my opinion, all of us need and deserve at least one muse, even if we’re not creative artists. A muse can be a spirit or hero or ally who inspires us, no matter what work and play we do. A muse may call our attention to important truths we are ignoring or point us in the direction of exciting future possibilities. According to my astrological analysis, you are now due for a muse upgrade. If you don’t have one, get one—or even more. If you already have a relationship with a muse, ask more from it. Nurture it. Take it to the next level.
SCORPIO (Oct. 23-Nov. 21):
Dear Valued Employee: Our records show you haven't used any vacation time over the past 100 years. As you may know, workers get three weeks of paid leave per year or else receive pay in lieu of time off. One added week is granted for every five years of service. So please, sometime soon, either take 9,400 days off work or notify our office, and your next paycheck will reflect payment of $8,277,432, including pay and interest for the past 1,200 months. APRIL FOOL! Everything I just said was an exaggeration. But there is a grain of truth in it. The coming weeks should bring you a nice surprise or two concerning your job.
SAGITTARIUS (Nov. 22-Dec. 21):
Sagittarian poet and artist William Blake (1757–1827) was a hard-working visionary prophet with an extravagant imagination. His contemporaries considered him a freaky eccentric, though today we regard him as a genius. I invite you to enjoy your own personal version of a Blake-like phase in the coming weeks. It's a perfect time to dynamically explore your idiosyncratic inclinations and creative potentials. Be bold, even brazen, as you celebrate what makes you unique. BUT WAIT! Although everything I just said is true, I must add a caveat: You don’t necessarily need to be a freaky eccentric to honor your deepest, most authentic truths and longings.
CAPRICORN (Dec. 22-Jan. 19):
Some of my friends disapprove of cosmetic surgery. I remind them that many cultures throughout history have engaged in body modification. In parts of Africa and Borneo, for example, people stretch their ears. Some Balinese people get their teeth filed. Women of the Indigenous Kyan people in Thailand elongate their necks using brass coils. Anyway, Capricorn, this is my way of letting you know that the coming weeks would be a favorable time to change your body. APRIL FOOL! It’s not my place to advise you about whether and how to reshape your body. Instead, my job is to encourage you to deepen and refine how your mind understands and treats your body. And now is an excellent time to do that.
AQUARIUS (Jan. 20-Feb. 18):
I invite you to make a big change. I believe it’s crucial if you hope to place yourself in maximum alignment with current cosmic rhythms. Here's my idea: Start calling yourself by the name "Genius." You could even use it instead of the first name you have used all these years. Tell everyone that from now on, they should address you as "Genius." APRIL FOOL! I don't really think you should make the switch to Genius. But I do believe you will be extra smart and ultra-wise in the coming weeks, so it wouldn't be totally outrageous to refer to yourself as "Genius."
PISCES (Feb. 19-March 20):
Your body comprises 30 trillion human cells and 39 trillion microbial cells, including the bacteria that live within you. And in my astrological estimation, those 69 trillion life forms are vibrating in sweet harmony with all the money in the world. Amazing! Because of this remarkable alignment, you now have the potential to get richer quicker. Good economic luck is swirling in your vicinity. Brilliant financial intuitions are likely to well up in you. The Money God is far more amenable than usual to your prayers. APRIL FOOL! I was exaggerating a bit. But I do believe you now have extra ability to prime your cash flow.