In the science fiction classic The Three-Body Problem, the Trisolaran civilization tries to figure out ways to survive when a Stable Era of predictable natural laws turns into a Chaotic Era, pulled gravitationally by three different suns, bringing extremes of heat and cold that periodically wipe out all progress and most life on the planet.
We are now entering a Chaotic Era.
Starting trade wars with the whole world (then losing badly). Masked thugs abducting children and college kids on the street. Nazi-curious tech broligarchs turning crucial government services into startup vaporware. And so on.
So, how do you survive a Chaotic Era? Well, the Trisolarans suffered many millennia of repeated civilizational collapses, but one solution was to get the hell out and invade Earth.
So, that doesn’t help. What does? Well, there’s an exchange in the deliriously stupid movie The Naked Gun (1988) that ricochets around in my head:
“I’ve heard police work is dangerous.
It is. That’s why I carry a big gun.
Aren’t you afraid it might go off accidentally?
I used to have that problem.
What did you do about it?
I just think about baseball.”
I just think about baseball, too. According to a study by The Action Network (some kind of sports betting thing) Pittsburgh is one of the five “Best U.S. Cities for Catching a Game After Work.” My family went to the game tonight. Paul Skenes was historically good, PNC Park was beautiful, and it costs almost nothing (food and drink excepted, of course). I almost forgot everything bad, for a few hours.
Of course, the sky was a slate-gray haze, the air had aftertaste of burning things due to the Clairton Coke Works’ faulty pollution controls, and massive climate-change-driven Canadian wildfires hundreds of miles away. It’s still a Chaotic Era, nobody gets to pretend otherwise for very long.
For sale: 748 Anaheim St., Hill District, $229,900
The Los Angeles Angels, one of the few teams that make the Pirates’ leadership look competent in comparison, were once the Anaheim Angels, and then The Los Angeles Angels of Anaheim, which was just embarrassing. Even the most broken-down post-industrial city has more gravitas than some sprawling suburb of strip malls and manicured lawns. You think other teams are going to be intimidated by playing Disneyland? Oh, this charming little brick house is on Anaheim Street, which seemed relevant at one point.
For rent: 209 Wynoka St., Mt. Oliver, $770/month
There are still some sub-$800 rents out there; they just require some compromises — like carpet that’s a hue of blue not found in nature, or some neighboring houses that are more likely to see a wrecking ball than a family moving in. Sorry, that got dark. For the record, I think Mt. Oliver is a really underrated neighborhood — with a strong business district and some good local institutions — and it seems to be moving in the right direction.
For sale: 3640 Massachusetts Ave., Brighton Heights, $299,900
I think I’ve mentioned before how much I like the Boston triple-decker, a great medium-density working-class housing type that I wish we had more of in Pittsburgh. This isn’t that, exactly; it is three floors, but it’s a single-family home, not three units. Still, it’s a lot of house on a small footprint, with an excellent porch and a place to park the cars off-street around the back, which is the best place for them.
For rent: Friendship Court, 261 Winebiddle St., Bloomfield, $989-1,349/month
Friendship Court! What a nice name! Back in the early 2000s I lived nearby, and it had the same lovely buildings that it does now, except with 100% more creepy weirdos who would follow you home, and surly teens who wanted to fight, or junkies looking to steal your stuff. Oh, and I lived next to a meth lab run by a suburban cop. Pittsburgh was a bit more fun back then, but it was pretty damn dangerous and romanticizing that is a bad look. It was all so cheap for a reason, because nobody wanted to live there.
For sale: 404 Lenox Ave., Forest Hills, $209,000
If you’re looking for cozy homes with some historic character for old Pittsburgh prices, well, there aren’t many. But one place where they can be found is Forest Hills, which is a strange suburb that only occasionally looks like one, and has a fair amount of useful retail in walking distance (again, not a suburban quality in Pittsburgh). This one has some staging that is more “people liked living here” than “priced to sell” — featuring a bright red rug over polished wood floors, and a giant shelving unit full of records — which usually works for me.
For rent: Greenhill Apartments, 4221 Winterburn Ave., Greenfield, $1,145-1,265/month
Look, I know the ‘70s were a crash after the high of the ‘60s, when every idea was given the opportunity to spring forth, unfettered by hundreds of years of people thinking “this looks good.” These apartments have shingled mansard rooflines draped over their tops like floppy, feathered ‘70s haircuts. Inside, though — where you actually have to live — they don’t look much different than most of the bland, neutral interiors grafted onto homes of any era at the moment.
This article appears in Jun 4-10, 2025.
