How to balance making music with the pressures of motherhood 

Jessica Zoric, singer and washboard player for D.B. Djanco, noticed how the dynamics of parenting intertwined with her musical journey. Her 8-year-old daughter, Ginny, was initially hesitant about seeing her mom on stage — she now plans on forming her own band, Beatles Junior. 

Zoric adores the occasional appearances her daughter makes on stage with her. 

“She has her tambourine. She’s still embarrassed to sing, but, God, she’s wonderful,” Zoric tells Pittsburgh City Paper. 

The world of music, often envisioned as a realm of late nights, touring, and spontaneous creation, might seem at odds with the demands of motherhood. Yet women in Pittsburgh are consistently proving that they aren’t mutually exclusive. These local moms/musicians aren’t just juggling schedules; they’re redefining what it means to be both a dedicated artist and a devoted parent, hitting high notes on stage and at home. 

But what does that look like when you don’t have Beyoncé money to pay a staff to help with the everyday push and pull of raising children?

The decision to return to the stage, or to continue playing through pregnancy and early motherhood, often stems from an undeniable passion. It’s not just a hobby — it’s a fundamental part of their identity. And, speaking from personal experience, mothers can often feel as though they have no identity outside of their child.

“I think being really grounded in my own autonomy when it comes to [music] is probably one of … I don’t feel like I’ve lost a part of myself, which I think is kind of a rarity,” Shani Banerjee tells City Paper. “That’s not to say things are perfect all the time.” 

Since 2021, the mother of a 2-year-old daughter has provided lead vocals and electric violin for the “dusty indie punk” band The Sewerheads. She is no stranger to shifting gears between her full-time job, parenting, and the band at a moment’s notice. 

Still, she admits something can still put an unexpected spin on her day. 

“Last night, we decided practice would be at 7:30, and my daughter was like, in the middle of a meltdown. And then — I’m just gonna be very honest — there was a poop in the tub,” Banjeree says.

The logistical challenges are, without a doubt, immense. Band practice, often held in the evenings, requires meticulous planning. Childcare becomes paramount, frequently requiring the help of partners, trusted friends, or family. Touring, the lifeblood of many musicians, transforms into a complex puzzle of nannies, co-parenting schedules, and sometimes, even bringing the children along for parts of the journey.

“Luckily, I do have bandmates that are not curmudgeons about children,” Maggie Lynn Negrete, whose 6-year-old daughter, Mora, has carved her own place in the Psych Pop band The Garment District, tells CP. “[It’s great] being in a band that the people you’re with are also looking out for your kid, who are excited to see your kid.” 

The band welcomes Mora, who served as an unofficial production assistant for one of The Garment District’s photoshoots, capturing behind-the-scenes footage on her tablet. “I get really excited seeing her be a part of the experience. And she really loves it. She has a performer’s heart,” says Negrete.

There is plenty of fun to be had, but at times, the emotional landscape can be tricky to navigate. The guilt that often accompanies working mothers can be amplified when one’s “work” involves late-night shows and time away from home. 

But, the band moms who spoke with CP articulate a different perspective. They view their musical pursuits not as a selfish act, but as a vital form of self-care and an empowering example for their children. Saxophonist Negrete joined The Garment District as she was looking for a reprieve from the isolation of parenting a young child during the COVID-19 pandemic. 

“I felt like I was just ready to explode. I needed to be out in the world and do something really creative. And I didn’t realize that performing was maybe the answer, but it definitely has been,” says Negrete.

These women also believe their children learn the importance of pursuing what they love by seeing their mothers actively engage in their music. “I think being really grounded in my own autonomy when it comes to that is probably one of the most rewarding aspects of being both a mom and a musician,” says Banerjee. 

Modeling a level of creative pursuit and resilience is a powerful, if often unacknowledged, aspect of their parenting. They can walk off stage or away from a rehearsal inspired and ready to embrace creativity and life in new ways. “I hope [Mora] is fearless with her creativity and knows that, as long as she’s alive, she can always explore a new practice,” says Negrete.

Anqwenique Kinsel, who has traveled the world as a jazz, opera, and classical vocalist, puts it simply: “If we as humans are denied our ability to be creative, what is that?” 

Kinsel, a mother of three, credits her supportive husband, family, and arts collective, Sibyls Shrine, with helping her continue to grow as an artist. Kinsel recently returned from performing at The Clazz International Music Festival in Italy, and she expresses gratitude for the opportunity to focus solely on her craft. “This bigger purpose within the purpose … I’m really super proud of it. Me going to Italy and doing this festival is a part of that,” Kinsel tells CP. “This just elevated, a more expansive version of how I’m doing my creative work.”

In a world where mothers feel pressure to conform to societal expectations, losing oneself on the stage is one of the more productive ways to work out the aggression, worry, or overstimulation they face every day. Zoric admits that her theatrical on-stage persona is very different from who she actually is. “I think that that’s half of what’s fun about seeing a live performance. If I want to see somebody, I want you to make me remember it forever. So I like just being as huge as possible, and then as soon as I’m done, I’m like, OK, all done.” 

Dingo, lead vocalist for the metal group Ancient Torture, has not let pregnancy slow her down. As the mother-to-be prepared for the birth of her first child, she was hesitant about continuing to perform live shows. After getting the green light from her doctor, she returned to her guttural vocals and head thrashing. “I was kind of worried, physically how I would be,” Dingo tells CP. “But honestly, when I’m up there, with a mixture of adrenaline and, just performing, I kind of physically forget.”

The death-doom vocalist is well aware that dynamics will change and a hiatus is necessary, but she has no plans to hang up the band life for good. “I can continue writing lyrics and I can listen to recordings,” she says. “We won’t play as a band until whenever I can.” 

With a strong, supportive tribe, personal passions and family life can coexist harmoniously. “The creative practice, our artwork, what we do, is directly tied to who we are,” says Kinsel.

All of these women agree that it’s possible to pursue their artistic dreams while raising a family. “I just think you should continue if you like performing. I don’t think you should give it up,” says Dingo. Zoric urges others to “find what calls to you and go for it.”

Banerjee hopes to see more moms (and dads) in the musical space, adding, “We can really have this be a really active part of our lives. I hope to see more of it.” 

But the most impactful life advice may come from Negrete, who says, “Don’t give up on your creativity just because you have someone puking on you