Dating life in Pittsburgh is rough.

With a multitude of cultures, colleges, and political opinions, it seems like it should be easier from an outside perspective, but in reality, Pittsburgh is tense with distrust. It mirrors the distrust between residents and city officials or greedy landlords and struggling young adults. The lack of empathy makes it an all-too-unfriendly environment.

As women, we were taught to respect ourselves and not let others take advantage of our good intentions, but our current digital age makes it hard — if not impossible — to be so guarded. So, If you’re single and trying to find a new partner in Pittsburgh, what are your options?

I became single in Jan. 2024. I typically give myself a year between serious partners, but after a dysfunctional relationship, I was ready a little earlier to dip my toes into the metaphorical waters to see what Pittsburgh could offer me this time around.

To my disappointment, much like the murky brown waters of our rivers, the options for non-digital dating experiences were limiting my ability to see the dating pool clearly for myself. After years of swiping left and right, matching and then briefly talking before someone loses interest, I had had enough of the digital dating world.

The ability to create fake personas with edited pictures is misrepresenting an entire generation without providing a safe space for genuine connections. We are stuck in a culture that believes follower counts and likes equate to respect or love, when in actuality it only shows the amount of people or eyes that are watching you.

As someone creeping towards 30, I fondly remember a time before social media, when there was no anxiety around like-count or followers, and everyone focused on physical interactions over digital comforts. Our attention span has quickly disintegrated as we look for the next 30-second video to make us feel something. This digital age is only getting worse, with AI users violating a person’s freedom of expression to create a digital image that looks identical to something an artist would make.

I believe there are other people out there like me who crave genuine, in-person connections through events that sponsor a phone-free environment with the intention of finding common ground to help build friendship and partnership. But the importance of mixed-gendered, non-romantic partners has faded from view with the whole world at our fingertips. We can easily connect with someone miles away — there’s no anxiety around awkward interactions since they are controlled and planned.

But that has created a generation who does not understand social cues, common courtesy, or how to be social in awkward situations.

For those who are exhausted by the digital age, the few options Pittsburgh has also involve technology. Speed dating is where I landed. There are several online sites that give short descriptions of what the experience will entail. Most use a phone system to score partners after 10 minutes of chatting or some type of incredibly painful “college-like” icebreaker game. While less than ideal, as someone who has no intentions of going back on the plethora of dating apps, I was intrigued by this possibility of in-person connections and decided to sign up.

I can’t speak for everyone’s experience, but for me, I was hugely disappointed when the host decided to cancel the event the night before it was scheduled to occur. Very much a believer of “everything happens for a reason,” I took it as a sign that I was not yet ready to open my heart. (I was also unable to get a refund.)

So I chose a new date a month later and was getting giddily anxious as it slowly approached. As a self-proclaimed “hopeful realist,” I tried to set up backup plans in case the event was again canceled with short notice. Luckily, I did — the event was again canceled because “people were backing out,” and I only found out because I emailed the host to confirm the event was still on schedule.

So I was left again to wonder what was stopping those my age from seeking the same genuine connection as me. I find it hard to believe that people bought tickets to participate and canceled last minute two separate times, but that’s what the company has used as an excuse to “reschedule” the events so late.

So, what is left? The options for singles in Pittsburgh seeking genuine connections is grim. The best advice I could find was from Reddit, where all people my age find their answers, which shared the suggestion of joining clubs or finding events that interest you, which would mean that there will be others with similar interests (and hopefully morals) that you can interact with and build a genuine friendship from.

Personally, I am done with swiping through filtered photos because I am attracted to personalities and experiences that cannot be found online. People can change their face with a quick snap or poke, but a person’s value should not be determined by their outward appearance, followers or likes.

The best part of Pittsburgh is the melting pot of cultures and history it has to offer, but the digital age has changed people’s priorities from community building to individual growth. Bring back the neighborhood block parties, car washes and dances that promoted community growth through conversing and blending different experiences and cultures!

I hope to find my next partner through a genuine, in-person connection and won’t be joining the plethora of apps and online services again anytime soon.

–C.P.