Favorite

The Wreck of Young Ben Roethlisberger 

What was driving local news coverage this week? Not a light foot.

The legend lives on of a quarterback's ride
on a cycle they call Hayabusa.
When Ben hit a car, 'twas a hurt worse by far,
than a tackle by Ton' Siragusa.

The wreck was big news, one could hardly refuse;ten reporters the P-G it fielded.
TV, radio, both knew just where to go,
when the street blood and metal it yielded.

It wasn't yet known all the parts Ben had blown
when the Tribune-Review went and told us:
Hey, Ben hurt his knees — look, our graphic decrees
But it seemed it was rumor they sold us.

The P-G kept pace and dissected Ben's face,
though that just made it seem like a joiner.
They showed us his teeth, and above, and beneath;
we're glad Ben did not have a groiner.

Each satellite truck almost ran out of luck
as they shot "Get Well" signs near the tunnel.
The three paltry signs they filmed 29 times,
while real news there would fit through a funnel.

As surg'ry ensued and Ben took to soft food
And it seemed like the story was ending,
The P-G did surf for some trash talk of turf
and the battles in cities still pending.

It turned out this kid hadn't just lost his lid;
his bike lacked both license and permit.
Old warnings were aired and e'en fans who still cared
feared young Ben had the sense given Kermit.

News Web sites unclogged, and less air-time was logged
as Ben R. went back home for recov'ry.
What really would do was for someone to sue,
so eventually there'd be some discov'ry.

Still, by the last day there was much less to say,
but the pages and talk shows demanded.
They argued left turns and how much Big Ben earns
if through contracts he gets reprimanded.

Then by Saturday, well, the story lacked play;
Ben's release meant the tale was less driven.
The Trib ran a poll, now assessing the toll:
"Has too much … attention been given?"

Still the question arose — quite apart from Ben's nose —
Would he be fully loaded for Cleveland?
Would his skills all come back for the Cincy attack?
Could he face Baltimore without leavin'?

As September loomed, we all asked with new gloom
Would he play in Game 1 in Miami?
Whatever ensues, it will always be news
This June 12 that will live in in-fam-y.

Now the legend lives on of a quarterback's ride,
When the Steelers' next season was tested,
But whatever Ben's sins, his losses and wins,
At least the dude wasn't arrested.

Comments

Subscribe to this thread:

Add a comment

Listings

Submit an event

© 2016 Pittsburgh City Paper

Website powered by Foundation

National Advertising by VMG Advertising