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My wife and I are expecting our first child. I'm really into the idea of being sprayed with my wife's breast milk. The other night, she was fretting about when her boobs are going to start leaking. This seemed like a good time to bring it up, so I told her about my newly discovered lactation fetish. She freaked out -- her comments were along the lines of "Gross!" and "That's not what that's for!" This is something I'd like to explore, but I don't know how to reapproach the subject.

Man Into Lactation Kink

 

Not all pregnant women are excited about -- much less excited by -- the physical changes that come with pregnancy. So you might wanna keep your mouth shut until your wife has some time to get comfortable with her new boobs, MILK.

Once the kid is out and the milk is in and your wife has recovered from the birth experience ... you should probably keep keeping your mouth shut. The wife won't have forgotten that conversation, and if she comes to see her breast milk as a bodily fluid like so many others -- i.e., one of those fluids that adults sometimes share during sex -- perhaps she'll warm to breast-milk splatter-play. But don't take my word for it.

"Before I had a baby," said a new mother I shared your letter with, "I would've had the same reaction -- gross! The idea of sexualizing a bodily secretion designed for my infant? That seems taboo. But now that I've had a baby, my reaction might be different."

How so?

"It can be a challenge to feel intimate after childbirth," said the new mom. "So I'd perhaps shrug and summon my new-mom mantra: whatever works."

 

I am a 25-year-old lesbian. I've been with men, but I never liked it -- penises freak me out. My co-worker recently asked me to have a threesome with him and his boyfriend using a strap-on. I would like to try it, if only for the story. But I'm worried that TWO penises will really freak me out. I also worry that my strap-on skills, while great for the ladies, would bore two 6-foot-2 gay men. Do you think I should do it? Is it a bad idea to try this out with a co-worker?

Intrigued But Scared

 

I think you should do it -- and you knew I would think you should do it, which leads me to believe that you wanna do it. 

Office affairs can get messy, but the messes are likelier when the romantic stakes are high. There are no romantic stakes here, and as long as you're both mature enough to separate your work relationship from your strap-on relationship, I don't see why you shouldn't satisfy your curiosity. (I'm curious what their height has to do with anything.)

As for your fears and insecurities: Tell the boys in advance that dicks scare you, let them know there might be some nervous laughter, and remind them not to point those things at you. Then enjoy, and send a full report.

 

I have started seeing a new gentleman. After several weeks, he confided that he enjoys being defecated on. I told him I didn't know that I could accommodate him but I didn't think any less of him. He seemed relieved that I wasn't judging him. He has not pushed it, but I want to know if my refusal to do this negatively impacts my GGG assessment.

Clean Sheets Enthusiast

 

No, it does not. People should be GGG -- "good, giving and game" -- and a partner's reasonable kinks and quirks should be accommodated. A thing for feet or crossdressing or bondage? Totally reasonable! A thing for shit or animals or seitan? Unfuckingreasonable.

It's wonderful -- I suppose -- that your boyfriend felt safe enough to share this info. He's probably thrilled that you didn't, er, dump him on the spot. But the Internet was invented to remove guys like your boyfriend from the dating pool. Kink personal sites make it possible for people with unreasonable fetishes to find partners. That you're still seeing him, and calling him a gentleman, is the best he could hope for from someone he didn't meet on a fetish website.

 

I'm a 23-year-old male who is bi-curious/pan-curious/post-gender-curious. I have recently found myself attracted to penises, but I don't feel like I'm attracted to any specific men. If you showed me a cropped shot of a hard cock, I'd get aroused. If you showed me the whole guy, no arousal. Many of my friends are very into the post-gender/postmodern cultural-studies mind-set. In college, they mocked me for considering myself straight. I meet many women I am attracted to. I really like the general idea of having sex with a guy, just not any specific one. Am I just trying to be a sexual tourist? Am I valuing queerness for the sake of it? Maybe my trepidation toward sex with a man is from the general societal constraints put on male-on-male loving?

Cock Observer Laments Disconnect

 

Or maybe you're straight.

Lots of straight men like to look at cock, which is why there's so much cock on display in porn created by and for heterosexual men. Straight men can identify with those hard cocks. But very few straight guys make the leap from admiring and/or being vicariously aroused by cock to actually sitting on one and/or finding other men attractive.

Accept that you're straight, COLD, pursue the women you're attracted to, and stay away from heterophobic post-gender/postmodern/pan-sexual cultural-studies majors whose immaturity, self-loathing and anger manifest in a refusal to accept that a good guy can also be a straight guy.

 

Find the Savage Lovecast (my weekly podcast) every Tuesday at thestranger.com/savage.

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