This week's Suburban Beat begins with, honestly, the best headline of the week, anywhere, which comes to us from the Regent Square-Forest Hills Patch police blotter:
The woman, it seems, ran into a pole because she was applying hand lotion while driving. (Ban that, Harrisburg.) The girls were simply "grazing" — applying lotion at Giant Eagle, without reallllly actually buying it.
This one is a little confusing:
Police received a call about a pit bull being walked on Koenig Field. The owner was advised to find another place to walk the dog.
Someone called the police because someone else was walking a dog on the baseball field?
Aaaaand then there's this one:
A resident of Edgewood Avenue called police to report that someone was playing pornographic movies at a loud volume. Police checked but could not hear the noise.
Over at the Canon-Mac Patch, we find the winner of our "Lede of the Week" contest:
Cecil Township police said someone wrote "(expletive deleted) you" with spray paint on two picnic tables in the park on Third Street in Lawrence this past weekend.
And finally, in Brookline, a recent spate of thefts has gotten truly ugly:
A case of harmonicas was stolen from a store in the 800 block of Brookline Boulevard in Brookline on Sept. 14 at 1:15 a.m.
Thanks as always to our local Patch reporters for throwing all of this together for us to enjoy!
Time for our look around local Patch.com police blotters, seeking the ugliest moments from suburban life.
In Collier, this particular item sounds like someone was either working on an art project or stocking a frat house:
A white male in his late 30s wearing a blue shirt and blue hat tried to steal a cart full of steaks and razor blades from the Giant Eagle on Aug. 30, Collier police said.
In Brookline, a series of thefts from cars seemed relatively innocuous — a fishing pole from one unlocked car, a wallet from another — until the last couple entries:
A victim told police that someone forced open a box and stole chain saws from a vehicle parked in the 2800 block of Kenilworth Street in Brookline.
A door and a catalytic converter were stolen from a vehicle parked in the 1600 block of Saw Mill Run Boulevard in Brookline between 4:30 p.m. on Aug. 25 and 10 a.m. on Aug. 26.
Lock your chainsaws up well, and always remove your catalytic converter and bring it with you if you're going to be away from your car.
And in Plum, a vandalism report that doubles as a tasty breakfast:
An Elicker Road resident reported criminal mischief to a vehicle and residence on Aug. 31. According to the police report, the residence was egged and a firework was lit on the porch. The vehicle also was vandalized with bologna.
That's JUMBO to you, Patch.
It's that time of the week: Time to take a look at crimes and misdemeanors that have taken place recently in the Pittsburgh suburbs, with the help of local Patch websites.
In Whitehall, a pet rabbit — with its cage — was stolen from someone's back porch, which basically proves that rabbits aren't very good guard dogs.
In Edgewood, several major stories: Power Wheels stolen from outside a home! Two Wendy's employees arguing with one another over money! A sick raccoon! (Was it or was it not the Edgewood raccoon from last week that evaded capture after breaking into a trash can?)
And just now breaking in Plum, some very serious business indeed:
Hope everyone's safe out there. Anyone with any details — PB&J? Lunchables? Were there granola bars? — feel free to update us.
It's Wednesday, and therefore time again for The Suburban Beat, a look at the weird stuff that finds its way to the police blotters of our local Patch sites.
In Beechview this week, we saw the theft of a car door. From off of the car. Not the rest of the car. Just the door. And it was a rough week for Dormont's Vincent Fiumura and Ashlee Kara, who managed to hit the blotter twice in a matter of four days on disorderly conduct charges, once for fighting and using abusive language toward officers, then for ... sleeping in a car in the middle of the street.
Edgewood wins this award for weirdest blotter this week, with — in addition to a nearby grill setting off a smoke alarm at the library, and the classic bat-in-the-bedroom call — this gem:
A female patron of Super Nails came unglued on Aug. 17 after expressing dissatisfaction with her nail and destroyed the inside of the South Braddock Avenue salon, breaking multiple items, according to a police report.
Also, feeling for the resident of East Hutchinson whose unlocked car was rifled through, but nothing was stolen. That'll keep you grounded: Your doors are unlocked, someone went to the trouble to actually get into your car, but still they don't think anything you have it worth stealing.
The Robinson-Moon Patch reports on the best name AND best crime this week in noting that an Augustus Festus Brown, in addition to facing drug charges, stands accused of stealing electricity from a neighbor's house using an extension cord.
And in Sewickley, home to many animals, calls included an injured rabbit in the middle of the road. ("Police checked the area and the rabbit was gone," the story ends.)
A quick round-up of a few of the more perplexing items from local Patch website police blotter reports in recent days:
From Chartiers Valley:
Ladder stolen: A ladder worth about $200 was stolen from a Border Street home on Aug. 7, Scott police said. (Italics ours. Hopefully that ladder is reallly long, or does tricks or something.)
A man stole $33 worth of socks from the Dollar Tree in Edgewood Towne Centre and fled. He was later located in Swissvale, arrested, cited and released.
A resident of the 100 block of West Hutchinson Avenue reported a raccoon in a garbage can. Police moved the can to the middle of the yard and knocked it over. The raccoon fled the scene.
And from Sewickley:
Chickens on the loose
Police were dispatched recently to the 800 block of Nevin Avenue for a report of chickens on the loose in a yard. An officer made several attempts to herd the chickens and all were unsuccessful. The chickens ended up running into the woods and the officer was unable to find them. (OK, OK. The link is ours too.)
Police were called Aug. 1 for a report of a bat in a Grimes Street house. The bat was caught and released.
See a funny or odd story in a local suburban police blotter? Send it our way!
Thanks for the live blogging. Hopefully, you are inside the convention at 4:30 p.m. for…
It might have occurred to the author to bother to define the term "ball culture".